This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday 2 July 2013

Lumen Fidei - what will it contain?

Excitement is mounting as the encyclical Lumen Fidei, jointly authored by popes Benedict XVI and Francis, is due to hit the bookstalls on Friday 5th July.

two popes

The two popes (in traditional white vestments) celebrate the completion of their work.

We asked some of our regular readers what they expected to see in this document, which is sure to become a best-seller.

Professor Tina Beattie, Roehampton. Clearly a new broom has entered the Vatican, which will sweep away all the cobwebs of traditionalism and bring us to the pure Catholicism as invented by the Vatican II Council. Expect a more relaxed attitude to same-sex marriage, abortion, and divorce, and perhaps a few sentences likening the Mass to an act of homosexual intercourse! From now on nobody is going to stop me from lecturing, where and when I wish! I did it MY way...

Tina and her guardian angel

Tina, you SHALL go to the ball!

Archbishop Piero Marini, liturgical expert. Ha ha ha, at last I'll have my revenge on Benedict! He's had his encyclical totally rewritten by Pope Francis the Wonderful. From now on there'll be no more Latin, in fact no more prayers at all. We're gonna dance, dance, dance! By the way, Holy Father, just in case you're looking for a new Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship, perhaps it's time for one who has a fondness for pagan rites? Just a thought...

lord of the prance

Lord of the Prance.

Damian Thompson, experienced Vatican-watcher. What many fans of Pope Francis have been waiting to see is a definitive statement on the liturgical role of custard. It seems likely that this is the document that we have been waiting for, at least as an interim statement until a full Custard Council can be convened. But my spies tell me that, whereas Pope Benedict prefers the "Extraordinary Form" of custard made with real eggs, his successor is more of an "Ordinary Form" man, and prefers it out of a tin. We shall see.

ordinary custard

A shock for traditionalists.

10 comments:

  1. Ecumaniac Cadrinal Wally Gasper approved enthusiastically stating that "Light Faith" (Lumen Fidei) is an apt title for the liberal modernist not-so-heavy version of Post-Conciliar gnosticism and all other schisms.

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  2. Where custard is concerned the last pope certainly kept his powder dry.

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  3. Damain is sitting on a silken cushion in LA being spoon-fed jam-rolypoly with pink custard, by Matron Cristina. Pink custard was a special treat at St Cake's - only served when Cutley had had a letter about Harold Wilson's foreign policy published in the Beano.

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  4. Perhaps we could call this liturgical act by the post-conciliar church, Custards last stand.

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  5. Darling eccles - will it have all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order? Xx Jess

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    1. Ah Jess, you has noticed that one of de Pops looks like Morecambe, and at least one of dem is wise.

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    2. Dat's so - and a happy birthday to the great blogg. I shall have to tell Bosco off for pulling tongues at you :) x

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  6. The EU’s Eco-Design Department will be monitoring Lumen Fidei to ensure that the lumen displayed is of the eco-friendly CFL type and not the traditional incandescent variety. In religious terms this is taken to mean that it should be of the Vat II design, not that of Trent. [Editor’s note].

    Pop Emeritus Benedict stated that it will have six candela which should be ample.

    In off the cuff remarks, Pop Francis noted that even a dim bulb could occasionally offer a glimmer of lumen.

    Ab. Müller of the CDF said that, pace the SSPX, the work is luminous enough.

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  7. as a convert, baptised Protestant some of the new heresy has affected me. I hate traditional custard! But I was very disappointed to find the liturgy in the Church I'd planned to join for years was so watered down.

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    1. You sound like the sort of depraved individual who secretly enjoyed the mint custard that the nuns served on St Patrick's day, rather than tip it in the slops bin on principle.

      As a convert, I expect you sing right over the top of your hymnbook rather than mumbling, and you have a secret desire to make us use those pouffy embroidered individual kneelers instead of wooden ones with inadequate faux leather covers over a sneeze of polyeurathane foam. Desist immediately, or I'll nominate you to run Messy Church.

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