This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 10 August 2014

Nuns on the Bus sent to Iraq

Sr Christine Frost is the Catholic nun who single-handedly defeated ISIS in East London by tearing down an Islamic jihad flag, where the Police, the British Army, and all the Queen's horses and all the Queen's men dared not venture.

Will Crooks estate

Now safe for policemen once more.

As a result, Barack Obama has decided to deploy the famous American "Nuns on the Bus" in Iraq, as the force most likely to send ISIS fleeing in terror. Said Archbishop Joseph Kurtz, President of the USCCB, "We have long wondered what's God's purpose was for the Nuns on the Bus. They call themselves Catholics, but they reject so much Catholic teaching that most of us think of them as a wacky Protestant sect. I don't know about the Muslims, but they sure terrify me."

nun with gun

"Make my day, Galloway! We won't do things the Allah-way!"

It is thought that several busloads of nuns will be sent to confront ISIS. Said General Sister Simone Campbell, their leader, "We have long wanted the opportunity to put men in their place, and where better to start than with the sexist homophobic anti-liberal men of ISIS? By the time we've finished with them, we'll have them wearing burkhas and doing the cleaning and flower-arranging in their mosques, where the ecumenical Muslim-Catholic services will be taken by liberal female mullah-priests who don't wear traditional vestments of any kind."


The sign of "NUN", used to show support for the nuns.

It is thought that President Obama has offered the nuns more modern transport than the clapped-out buses to which they are accustomed, but these have been firmly rejected by Sr Simone. "It's too late now to call ourselves the Nuns in the Jeep, or the Nuns in the Tank," she says. "Anyway, our marching song, The nuns in the bus go drone drone drone, would have to be rewritten."

nun on bike

Britain's belated contribution: one nun, on a bike.


  1. The wrong nuns! Real nuns are needed for such a mission - holy, zealous, fearless.

  2. Dear Sir,
    All this talk of conflict with our Muslim brothers and sisters is quite misguided. We in ACTA are appalled at the prejudice being displayed by the more traditional-minded people in the catholic church towards the Islamic freedom fighters who are presently enjoying a successful summer outing in Iraq, taking back what is rightly theirs. Indeed, here in Tunbridge Wells our long-established interfaith group has sponsored one young man called Mohammed who is presently fighting his gap year in Syria and Iraq before going to uni in September. He has promised to bring back some infidels' heads - not sure what he means by that - and give a talk on cleansing towns at our interfaith coffee morning on August 31st. (10 am in the church hall: all are most welcome.)

    Yours in a spirit of interfaith dialogue,
    Ferdinand Mass-Trousers