This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Is the Church of England like ISIS?

There has been an angry debate between Joseph Shaw and Geoffrey Sales over the question whether the best way to understand ISIS is by studying the Church of England. As usual, it is left to Eccles to rule on this matter.

The dreaded CofE flag (to interpret this, reflect a little).

We do have some anecdotal evidence. Said Mrs Enid Shavius, 84, "I was sitting peacefully at home, when a dreadful man knocked on the door and said he was the 'vicar'. Before I knew where I was I was offering him a cup of tea and listening to his readings from the collected sermons of George Carey. When I woke up, he had disappeared, taking my ginger biscuits with him."

the Dean

If you see this man, do not invite him in for tea.

Said another witness, Colonel John Vendimus, 76, "I was disgusted to see one of those Anglican women in the street, dressed in the sort of ridiculous costumes that they are encouraging them to wear these days. I didn't give my life in the Boer war to see women being degraded in that way."

women bishops

Anglican women wearing a degrading and unbecoming costume.

Finally, Miss Maureen Latin-Mass, 55, complained that an aggressive woman came round to her house, demanding "something for our jumble sale - it's in aid of the Anglican Church's Mission to Seafarers". She had to give the woman an old scarf, a pot of turnip jam and an unwanted copy of The God Delusion before she would go away.

Long John Silver

The Mission to Seafarers did well this year.

So there we have it - evidence that the Anglican Church has a policy of systematic extortion and repression. Just like ISIS, in fact.


  1. I fear that Francis will hand us all over to Welby and the methods involved in the forced conversions. I shudder at the thought of being force fed turnip jam or having my ginger biscuits confiscated by a man in black talking in a sing song voice. However, looking on the bright side, as advised to by the Pope, I do like cruises and so wonder if I would qualify for a 'divi' from the CofE's Seafarer's Mission Fund if I succumbed. Please advise and oblige.

  2. The Anglingcans love fish and thIS IS well-known in certain circles. You can catch the best fish on cameron.NET and they still accept COD payments which sounds a bit fishy like the Tory party and its Anglingcan connections.

  3. While Pilate asked what is truth, I would like to ask IS IS or ISn't IS IS?