This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday 25 October 2014

I am the Archbishop of Westminster

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan, yet again, for a rewrite of HMS Pinafore. To be sung by a rather undisciplined cardinal, together with a chorus of admiring bishops.

Conry and Nichols

"... and I have no memory of ever meeting Kieran Conry."

I am the Archbishop of Westminster;
   And a good Archbishop, too!
You're very, very good,
And be it understood,
You're all splendid bishops too.
   We’re very, very good,
   And be it understood,
   We're all splendid bishops too.
While folk shudder, "He said that?"
I have got a big red hat,
So I know the Pope likes me;
Though my memory may fail,
I know how to spin a tale
And I never utter heresy!
   What, never?
No, never!
   What, never?
Hardly ever!
   Hardly ever utters heresy!
   Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
   For the saintly Archbishop of Westminster!
Vincent Nichols and rubber fish

"You're cohabiting with a giant rubber fish? That's really splendid. Well done!"

I do my best to sanctify you all –
   And with you we're quite content.
You're a witless load of fools,
But it's not against the rules
If you sin and don't repent.
   We're a witless load of fools,
   But it's not against the rules
   If we sin and don't repent.
Gay Masses in West One,
Are surely lots of fun,
They're events I'm pleased to see.
Folk say Kasper should retire,
But it's him that I admire,
And I never welcome Tina B. –
   What, never?
   No, never!
   What, never?
Well, hardly ever!
   Hardly ever welcomes Tina B. –
   Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
   For the faithful Archbishop of Westminster!
Tina in Westminster

Well... hardly ever!

3 comments:

  1. Yes, that is a good diagnosis by Tiny Beattie with too much of that Sacred Mentality going on in church before Vatican II discovered just ice, pees and some of that bloomin gentian.

    ReplyDelete
  2. As Yogi Berra once sang at Westmonster Cathedral, "Your Nicholls ain't worth my time."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Never mind the why and wherefore,
    Love can level ranks, and therefore
    Though their Eminences mighty
    Thought they'd bring us up to date,
    It turns out that certain Catholics
    Won that debate ...

    ReplyDelete