This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 25 November 2013

Pope Francis not a Zygon

Having watched the Dr Who 50th anniversary episode (and we promise not to blog on Dr Who again for... ooh... at least a week), we have finally found the explanation for the sudden change in Pope Francis.


This is not the Pope.

Pope Francis has been having a lot of bad publicity lately, thanks to various statements that he is supposed to have made - or which were made up for him by Eugenio Scalfari and various liberal journalists.

Indeed, his reputation amongst traditionalists was mud, with the great Mundabor writing "Francis is clearly a sodomite pinko liberal commie pervert - although as a pious Catholic I do respect the authority of the Holy Father." Then Rorate Caeli chimed in with "We're not really sedevacantists but how can we possibly accept Francis, when he's an ex-KGB member in league with the Prince of Darkness? What's more, his Latin is terrible." Even Father Z commented: "Let's read Francis as if he'd said what Benedict said."


Scalfari - his new book is called: Believe me - Pope Francis told me he was an atheist.

Only the Bitter Pill and the National Anti-Catholic Fishwrap dared to defend the words of Pope Francis, when he said - at least according to these distinguished publications - "Stop worrying about abortion, birth control, same-sex marriage, murder, theft and adultery. Just chill out, man," and - on another occasion - "Who am I to judge between Good and Evil - they're equally good lifestyle choices!"

But all this is at an end. It turns out that for several months we did not have a pope at all, but a shape-changing Zygon. Within the last week, this alien creature has been sent packing, and a lucrative column on the Guardian awaits it, as a colleague of Chris Huhne.


Another strange being employed by the Guardian.

Now that the real pope is back on the throne of St Peter, we are seeing all the traditional statements that we expect from a pope. For example, on Twitter: "HI! I'M A CATHOLIC. RETWEET IF YOU ARE TOO! LOL." (Sadly, he has not yet matched the intellectual gravitas of Pope Benedict.) Then again, "This Hermeneutic of Continuity idea sounds jolly fine. Perhaps I'll drop into Blackfen next week and find out more about it." And finally, "Spirit of Vatican II ??!!?? Arentchasickofit ??!!??" This last is regarded as a bid for a regular column in the Catholic Herald, perhaps entitled Frank Speaking.

Pope firing Cormac

And you're fired too!


  1. Darling eccles, well that's a relief - but I don't like the look of that Zygon the Pope is talking to in the last picture xx Jess

  2. Well, it’s important for Italians – and those a generation or so removed - to “fare la bella figura” at all times.

    Celebrities are full of it (well, they are…). That is why we have paparazzi – also an Italian curse er, invention.

    And, frankly speaking, Frank is speaking frankly – or Frankish. It’s not always claro

  3. I'd just like to know if Pope Francis means what we are told he says or says what we are told he means or even is aware of what we are told he says and/or means. Pope and hope rhyme, if that's a comfort.

  4. Wit regard to what Pope Francis said or did not say we should let zygons be zygons.

  5. The best Tweet for me is a lovely bar of chocolate on Sunday. Francis I best Tweet was plenary indulgence for tweeting with him so I doubled my chocolate rations indulgingly on that day.

  6. The top picture is actually a Marcion from the planet Mars. They believe that they created the world & everything in it. The pope says that they are saved pussons if they are nice, frankly speaking, that is.