This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 29 June 2013

Church rocked by "gay lobby" allegations

The church of England was reeling in shock today after the existence of a highly influential "gay lobby" at its heart was finally admitted.

Out goes the Union Flag

The Union Flag is replaced with the Rainbow.

The first signs of such a lobby came when the secular wing of the church of England, which trades under the name "British Government", started enacting legislation to overturn the ideas of marriage, fatherhood, motherhood, men, women, etc. David Cameron, the person who appoints the church's bishops, has been identified as one of the people responsible for attacking family life in this way.

Things came to a head today, when the British Embassy in Paris decided to raise the rainbow flag in solidarity with the "Gay Bride" march in London. "Mon dieu," said a French commentator, "it's true what they say about le vice anglais, then?"

David Cameron wedding

Not the sort of wedding we expect to see much longer.

The Queen herself, although Supreme Governor of the church of England, is not intending to take part in the "Gay Bride" march, and nor indeed is Archbishop Justin Welby, her deputy. However, Her Majesty has herself been seen visiting the "third arm" of the Church of England, the BBC, which is itself blamed for sex scandals dating back to the 1960s.

Supreme Governor

Blimey! It's the Supreme Governor!

The Catholic Church has its own problems, of course, and it was rumoured today that rebel forces in the Vatican had tried to raise the "Gay Bride" flag today, but had been repelled with holy-water cannons.

Meanwhile, this weekend also sees the return of the Glastonbury Festival. Curiously, a copy of the programme of the very first Glastonbury Festival has come to light, dating from 50 A.D.


The aftermath of Glastonbury.

Topping the bill is Joseph of Arimathea, who will be performing his popular hit Jerusalem.

Joe of Arimathea

Joseph of Arimathea sings: And did those feet in ancient time...

Another name that will be known to modern readers is that of a very young Cliff Richard, who has of course performed at all the Glastonbury Festivals since the first one.

Cliff Richard

A promising young singer.

Many celebrities attended, including the lovely Princess Boadicea (or however you want to spell her name), although her insistence on coming by chariot caused some problems to passers-by.


Merlin asks: "Has anyone lost this?"


  1. darling eccles, my lobby is very bright and gay, the new paintwork makes it look very jolly - do you think the Vatican would like the colour-chart - or isn't it that sort of lobby? xx Jess

  2. I would like to know where this "gay lobby" is - which hotel can we find it in or is it in a theatre or cinema somewhere? Is it brightly and joyfully decorated?

  3. I am looking forward to seeing Mr Camaroon; Mr B. Liar & Mr POTUS O'Bama explain to Almighty God when they meet him directly very soon why they felt it was better to contradict Him, His Son who fulfilled the law not abolished it, St Paul, The Levites and successive admonitions by His eccelsiastical representatives on Earth, to have unnatural marriages and sodomite adoptions.

  4. So the CofE, Her Majesty’s Government and the BBC would be the new ‘Holy Trinity’ then?

    What hath Henry VIII wroth…?

    I wrest my case.

  5. LeonG,

    The gay lobby is just across the hall from the lesbian vestibule.