This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Obama solves the Irish question

There was excellent news in Northern Ireland this week, when Barack Obama, a retired lawyer now holding an administrative job in Washington, announced the solution to the Irish question, which has evaded the greatest minds for over 200 years (or 500 years, by some accounts).

Obama in a mosque

Now, are you guys Protestant Muslims or Catholic Muslims?

Said the sage of Honolulu: If Catholics have their schools and buildings, and Protestants have theirs ... that encourages division.

Bannside and McGuinness

Lord Bannside and Martin McGuinness agree on something - that Obama is a complete fool.

Thus, in brief, the Obama plan for peace is as follows:

1. Catholics and Protestants to combine their church schools
and teach exactly the same thing. 
2. Catholics and Protestants to share churches and have joint 
3. Well, actually, the POTUS would like all churches to close.
4. Obama to become Pope and Moderator of the Free Presbyterian 
Church of Ulster. 
5. Catholics and Protestants to stop complaining about Obama's 
support of wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.
6. Not to mention abortion, same-sex marriage, etc.
Star Wars Mass

We need more "Star Wars" Masses and fewer "Jesus Christ" services!

Obama later clarified his position: "Religion is fine by me, really, provided that you don't let it affect your behaviour. Model your conduct on that of my great friends Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi - they're pious, devout and humble Catholics, but also powerful voices against religion!"

Obama and the cross

"And you can take that cross down, for a start!"

Having solved the Irish question, Obama is moving onto the Middle East, where his simple recipe for peace will be: Why not just combine Islam and Judaism into one faith, and call it Judlam? Or better still, join the Catestants and Protholics and make one big religion called Obaminanity?

Finally, Obama faces his biggest challenge of all, to bring reconciliation between God and the Devil.

Four horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Apocalypse. Could it be averted if God and Satan agree to worship Obama?


  1. It is the constant liturgical Obahminations that have brought Desolation on us all.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Apparently, in the POTUS photo above they were all laughing about the then recent posters in Denmark & France.

  4. There's already a strong movement in the Middle East to combine Islam and Judaism. But they've re-thought how to combine the names. Instead of "Judlam", it's now "Islamism". See? Both names in one, so nobody feels left out! You can be sure Obama will be promoting "Islamism" as the solution to the region's, not to say the world's, woes.