This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 1 June 2013

When I was a lad...

If you didn't enjoy I've got a little list, I am the very model of a modern liberal Catholic, or The nightmare song, then you certainly won't enjoy this one. In case the original is unfamiliar, it may be found here, for example.

Dawkins sings

Ready for the song...

When I was a lad I spent six terms
At Oxford, studying the voles and worms.
I also learnt about the frogs and mice,
And camels, crocodiles, and goats and lice.
I learned so much about zoologee
That now I am an expert on theologee!

CHORUS: He learned so much about zoologee
That now he is an expert on theologee!
crocodile

Ready for the next verse...

To reach the top I had to climb uphill,
And started studying for my D.Phil.
I wrote a thesis about how hens behaved:
For four long years upon this work I slaved.
I understood those chickens so successfullee
That now I am an expert on theologee!

CHORUS: He understood those chickens so successfullee
That now he is an expert on theologee!
chicken

A well-understood chicken.

Of chicken-knowledge I acquired such a grip,
Those Oxford dons gave me a lectureship.
I told the students everything I knew
And most of them came back for Lecture 2.
I taught those students so efficientlee
That now I am an expert on theologee!

CHORUS: He taught those students so efficientlee
That now he is an expert on theologee!
Elvis gene

The Elvis gene.

In public life I came upon the scene
By writing something called The selfish gene.
Of fame and glory I began to dream
When people said they liked my new word, "Meme".
I grew so used to saying "Me me me"
That now I am an expert on theologee!

CHORUS: He grew so used to saying "Me me me"
That now he is an expert on theologee!
Dawkins sings on

On to the next verse, dudes!

I wrote another book - it was a grind - 
Of watches made by someone who was blind.
On evolution I was now expert
And treated all religious views like dirt.
I studied Darwin so assiduouslee
That now I am an expert on theologee!
 
CHORUS: He studied Darwin so assiduouslee
That now he is an expert on theologee!
Darwin and Dawkins

The Ascent of Darwin.

In private life I'd been a little bored,
But my third wife was actress Lalla Ward.
She was no scientist, it's true,
Although she'd come to fame in Dr Who.
I learnt so much from planet Gallifree
That now I am an expert on theologee!

CHORUS: He learnt so much from planet Gallifree
That now he is an expert on theologee!
Lalla Ward

Mrs Dawkins enjoys an audio book of The Blind Watchmaker.

I walked one day around New College quad,
And thought "I know, I'll start attacking God!"
The God Delusion was the book I wrote:
Its healthy sales made me show off and gloat.
The masses so much liked tomfooleree
That now I am an expert on theologee!

CHORUS: The masses so much liked tomfooleree
That now he is an expert on theologee!
Dawkins and Polly

Richard helps a poor mad woman onto his bus.

I got up to a few more tricks
By baiting Anglicans and Catholics.
I tried to persecute the Pope:
I said "Arrest him!" They replied "You dope!"
I hassled Christians so effectivelee
They said "He is an expert on theologee!"

CHORUS: I hassled Christians so effectivelee
They said "He is an expert on theologee!"
Gendarmes

Monsieur, je vous accuse d'être le Pape.

Now readers all, whoever you may be,
If you want to be an expert on theologee,
Don't read the Bible, Augustine, Jerome,
Or any writings from those men in Rome.
Just rant and rage incomprehensiblee -
And you all may be experts on theologee!

CHORUS: Just rant and rage incomprehensiblee -
And you all may be experts on theologee!
Arthur Roche

That's not how I became an expert on theology.

9 comments:

  1. You may the scansoin is a bit irregular, but then so it is in the original...

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  2. Very good, daring eccles, but a bit far-fetched - only de afeists thought him an expert in theologee xx Jess

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  3. you little beauty! You've nailed the Dawkins Delusion

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  4. Methinks the definition of a 'specialist' in medical circles would also apply to an atheistic expert on theologee:

    "One who knows more and more...about less and less"

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  5. Did you know I played the Major General in 1968?

    And what I did in Iolanthe you don't want to know! OK don't keep on I'll tell you, I was the attorney in the Lord Chancellor's dream, which we filmed. Sloane Square in a night shirt and top hat was fun. This was 1972.

    I also did The Yeoman of the Guard too, I was Snivelling Urchin three

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  6. Wonderful to see the brave french police brutalising innocent women, elderly people & children for their defense of God's moral law. How dare they exercise freedom of speech. fascists!

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  7. Wonderful! I look forward to the collected works- or, better still, the CD!

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