Pope Francis receives a shocking letter.
It seems (says Voris) that Pope Francis has received a letter from a deacon in good standing, alleging that one of his cardinals blogs under the name of "Eccles", and as such has been making fun of atheists, liberal Catholics and Damian Thompson.
Damian Thompson visits the California State Museum of Custard.
The news that the infamous Eccles could have infiltrated the Vatican naturally brought great distress to Pope Francis; it caused him to miss a Beethoven concert while he summoned an emergency meeting of his most trusted advisers (Father John Zuhlsdorf and Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor) to resolve the situation.
Have you seen this man?
As the search for the intruder continues, Eccles is finding it harder to cover his tracks.
Further evidence that Eccles has infiltrated the Vatican.
However, the mischief of "Cardinal" Eccles is not limited to the writing of blogs. Tablet staff were enraged to learn that copies of their newspaper had been found burning in one of the Vatican apartments.
Tabula est comburenda!
Said a Tablet spokesman: "We can live with rumours of gay orgies and satanic rituals - indeed, nobody enjoys that sort of thing more than I do - but burning the immortal words of Catherine Popehater is a bridge too far."
So the search for Eccles continues. I'm Michael Voris, thank you for reading.
The Costa Blanca Michael Voris lookalike competition (3rd prize).