This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Ordinariate for pagans announced

Following the announcement that the Church of England is to welcome pagans - which most people thought to have happened many years ago - Pope Francis has announced the creation of a new Ordinariate, enabling pagans to convert to Catholicism while still preserving all that's best in Pagan Patrimony.

ancient stones

Ancient stones - these are considered holy by many pagans.

Originally, it was thought that Pope Francis was hostile to the Ordinariate - simply because there are not many disillusioned Anglicans in Argentina - but he has now seen the wisdom of Pope Benedict's ideas, and is prepared to take them further.

The first step will be to set up an Pagan Ordinariate church in London. This is already proving difficult, simply as there are no convenient stone circles at hand. It is thought that it will be necessary to import some, and install them in a convenient open space, perhaps just in front of Westminster Cathedral.

12 apostles

The Twelve Apostles (Ilkley Moor). Will they move to Westminster?

Some aspects of Pagan Worship may be hard to assimilate into the Catholic Mass. For example, it was thought at first that taking off all one's clothes and dancing in the light of the moon was too far from established Catholic tradition. However, having been shown examples of liturgical dancing at Liverpool Cathedral and elsewhere, the Pope no longer believes that this will be a problem.

liturgical dancing

Liturgical dancing (alternatively, the choir may perform a Gregorian chant).

Following the "Stonehenge II" council in the 1960s, human sacrifices are no longer part of mainstream pagan worship, but they are still be allowed for "traddy" pagans who request it from their local Archwizard. For such traditionalists to join the Ordinariate, suitable provision will be made in the Catholic liturgy. A papal encyclical De Humano Immolando is in preparation, which will clarify this issue. Many other Pagan traditions should be assimilated with little trouble.

budgerigar mass

A Catholic "cage" mass, where the priest pretends to be a budgerigar.

Reactions to the Pope's proposal have been mixed. Said the Tablet, "This is the sort of brilliant idea that we would never have seen when we were crushed by the iron jackboot of Pope Benedict. It takes the emphasis away from God, and focuses it on ourselves, so it must be good."

wicker Mass

After all, this is very similar to some existing Catholic Masses.

On the other hand, pagan leaders are furious that the Catholic Church is attempting to "poach" its believers without any consultation. Said Arch-Pendragon Getafix (formerly Jim Tharg), "It's a disgrace. They're even asking Paul Inwood to publish a Pagan setting of the Mass, including animal noises and the sounds of witches screeching - apparently, this will only require minor modifications to his existing work."

Mgr Snape

Monsignor Snape prepares for Mass.

Finally, the "Magic Circle" of Catholic bishops in England and Wales is also showing enthusiasm for the idea of a Pagan Ordinariate. Archbishop Nichols has long had excellent relations with Rowan Williams, a druid who rose to a senior position in the Church of England, and he is therefore expected to be very responsive to the idea of Pagan Patrimony.


We'll now sing "All things bright and beautiful."


  1. Nothing new , then! For either Catholics or Anglicans. Methinks the Catholics beat the Anglicans in that race.

  2. darling eccles, does that mean that the 'Rev Phil' can be Msgr Phil? xx Jess

  3. There are lots of budgerigar Masses because 90% of NO presbyters Tweet.

  4. Paula N Wood has just composed "Lantern godspell Incantation"; "Galadria" and "Pagan Tinsel Rite IV", especially for the new Anglican Ordinariate.

  5. What, no Damain in the "magic Circle"?

  6. Hey, we might be doing the same thing

  7. Rowan & Justin had a lovely time at Stonehenge yesterday dressed as druids and getting stoned. This is how they were inspired with their great new idea to have a pagan church and break with Canterbury altogether to form it.

  8. No good trying to convert Mick Jagger as we all know a Rolling Stone gathers NO Mass.

  9. The final photo looks like an excerpt from an episode of “Yes, Prime Minister”

    Sir Humphrey would have approved.