This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday 12 August 2014

Worshipping dead fish

There is a possible interpretation of the Bible that says that Jesus came into the world to supply us with dead fish. This viewpoint is held by the Episcatorian Church, part of the Anglercan Communion; for them the feeding of the five thousand on bread and fish is a central part of Jesus's ministry, together with the events after the Resurrection, when He advised His disciples how to catch fish and then prepared them a fish breakfast cooked on a fire of burning coals.

Raphael painting

A miracle involving fish.

Prime Minister David Cameron is of course a man of strong religious convictions, and, although he does not speak often of this, a pious Episcatorian. His trip round the fish-markets of Portugal at the time of Armageddon has been widely mocked (including, regrettably on this blog), but he was merely undertaking a pilgrimage in accordance with the tenets of his deeply-held piscine faith.

Cameron and fish-shops

A dedicated fish-worshipper visits some holy shrines.

Episcatorians sing many of the modern hymns that Anglercans love, such as "Follow me, follow me, leave your home and family, Leave your fishing nets and boats upon the shore" and "If I were a butterfly, I’d thank you Lord for giving me wings, ..., If I were a fish in the sea, I’d wiggle my tail and I’d giggle with glee", together with modified versions of more traditional hymns, such as "Be still, my sole" and "Hark! The herald angelfish". They generally conclude their service with the traditional "The piece of cod which passeth all understanding".

angelfish

On the side of the angelfish.

I hope that this clarifies the situation, and will put an end to malicious comments about David Cameron along the lines of "Why is he totally ignoring what ISIS is up to? Why doesn't he ask for a recall of parliament? Why does he make even Obama look good by comparison?" Our pious Prime Minister will pray for peace in the way he knows best, by visiting yet more fish shops, and he will leave the military aspects to Pope Francis, who is even now planning to drop an elite force of "Magic Circle" bishops in Iraq.

6 comments:

  1. You'll notice that President Obama, too, is in one of these denominations. One of his most common rhetorical tics is to say, "As I shad before..."

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    1. On the question of the US position on fish production Obama replied, "Yes, we can."

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  2. And the terrible 'Wade v Roe' edict. Sorry. Not a matter for levity.

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    Replies
    1. Even more levity might have been extracted from flying fish, Mrs Wupple.

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  3. Doubtless, Cameron will find his plaice in British political fishtory, if you see what I mean?

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