This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 4 May 2013

All bishops asked to leave Britain

Following the Vatican's issuing of marching orders to Cardinal O'Brien, it was announced today that the entire "Magic Circle" of British bishops (apart from Davies and Egan, apparently) has been given 24 hours to leave the country.

usual suspects

"Now, I've asked all the usual suspects to assemble here."

It is said that Pope Francis is unhappy with various aspects of the bishops' conduct, such as their disregard of orthodox teaching, their encouragement of heresy, and their toleration of blasphemous Masses.

Tina Beattie

Heresy? All I want to do is rewrite Catholic teaching from scratch.

It is not yet clear where the bishops will be sent to, but our inside sources (Twitter) suggest:

Nichols: North Korea; Conry: Iran; Burns: Afghanistan; Murphy-O'Connor: Libya.

The nuncio, Archbishop Mennini, is said to be very relieved at the expulsion of the bishops, saying, "Since there are so few scandals in those dioceses which are sede vacante, it is clear that most bishops just get in the way. Maybe now we can get down to reviving orthodox Catholicism."

waiting for flight to board

"Our flight should be boarding soon."


  1. can we have a whip round to send them on their way - or would that be misunderstood? :) xx Jess

  2. O'Brien would like one jessica.

  3. The Vatican has realised that it has only got bishops and presbyters left in UK - all the laity have defected. North Korea has more practising catholics than Italy.

  4. I fear for poor Afghanistan...I think they would prefer drones en masse rather than Burns OF Mass.