Professor Eccles makes a cup of coffee.
A: This is a difficult question, and to get a meaningful answer, you have to understand my General Theory of Doctrons. These are fundamental particles which emanate from a big machine in Rome called the Magisterium, and transmit Catholic doctrine round the world. Unfortunately, when they reach England they are often blocked on arrival by a chain of jamming devices on the south coast.
Arundel Cathedral - believed to contain a jamming device called a Cathedra.
Anyway, to answer your question, the moment your aeroplane flew over the Channel it would have been hit by a wave of doctrons, and so the correct answer is that you should celebrate Ascension Day the moment that the "Fasten Seatbelts Sign" has been switched off.
A "flying bishop" demonstrates the latest in pneumatic chasubles.
While I'm here, let me tell you of another exciting scientific discovery: the Hereson, or anti-God particle. This one acts as an anti-Doctron: to detect it, scientists sent Hans Küng whizzing round a "collider" under the Alps at high velocity until he collided with Tina Beattie.
Hans Küng meets Tina Beattie and emits a Hereson.
Well that's enough science for today, so let's finish with a photo showing some of the deadly effects of Hereson radiation.
The deadly effects of Hereson Radiation.
Imagine if you live in Gretna (Holyday of Obligation on Thursday) but work in Carlisle 9 miles away (Celebrate on Sunday). Are you under an obligation? Then, on a Friday, do you have to eat fish at lunchtime, but go home to tatties and mince?
ReplyDeletedarlng professor eccles - that last piccy should carry a health warning xx Jess
ReplyDeleteBizarrely, there is a Benedictine arrangement of 6 candles on the altar - though that might just be for the Hopi ear candling to follow the Indian Head Massage. Is this the beauty parlour attached to Damain's hair salon?
Delete"I was in London on Thursday, and will be in Rome on Sunday. When and where should I celebrate Ascension Day?"
ReplyDeleteSimple. On Sunday get a bus from Rome to an adjacent Italian diocese which will be just like being in England- apart from mass in Italian.
I was hoping you would talk about Schismatons and de facto schismatons since the NO have a schism mass to bless their wiccad candles. Is this valid?
ReplyDeleteCharischismatic priestesses are always giving each other cranial massage & sometimes they knock each other out. I've seen some of them lying on the floor after.
ReplyDeleteThat would be the Glasgow Rite (Kiss of Peace), I presume.
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