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Eccles: Gregory, it's good to have you with us, especially as your website says you are a respected spiritual leader, composer, singer and retreat director.
GN: I'm also part of the OCP family of composers and authors which, as we say on our website, includes many of the best-known, most beloved liturgical composers, contemporary songwriters, authors and event presenters in the Church today.
E: Ah yes, like the most beloved Paul Inwood, for example. Quite. Now this particular song of yours was nominated mostly for the chorus, so shall we have that in full?
Journeys ended, journeys begun: to go where we have never been, to be beyond our past, moments of lifting up, transcending death, rising in transparent light to the fullness of God's presence. Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.
To (boldy) go where we have never been.
GN: Yes, this song was a great favourite with the crew of the Starship Enterprise, you know.
E: You don't see it much in the films or television series, but I gather that the Enterprise has its own choir of Benedictine Monks.
GN: Yes, they sing spiritually nourishing hymns such as mine, occasionally popping out to zap the odd alien with a Zuhlsdorf(TM) liturgical phaser.
Weston Priory welcomes Vulcans, Klingons and Romulans.
E: So, what else can we take from your hymn, Gregory? I was wondering about this "rising in transparent light" business.
GN: Oh, the idea is that, when our worldly time comes to an end, and the doctor says "He's dead, Jim!" we cry "Beam us up, God!" and off we go to Heaven.
E: Sounds great. Perhaps it really does work that way.
Beam us up, God!
GN: Still, that's just the chorus.
E: Well, the rest of the hymn seems to be just a copy-and-paste from the Gospels, so I don't think there's much to be added there. Gregory Norbet, thanks for joining us.
GN: So long, Eccles. Beam me up, Paul Inwood!
There is a strange ch-ch sound and Gregory Norbet disappears in a column of transparent light.
Moments of lifting up...
Previous entries for the Eccles Bad Hymn Award:
Lord of the Dance.
Shine, Jesus, shine.
Enemy of apathy.
Walk in the Light.
Kum Ba Yah. Follow me. God's Spirit is in my heart. Imagine. Alleluia Ch-ch.
It ain't necessarily so. I, the Lord of sea and sky. Colours of day. The red flag.
Go, the Mass is ended. I watch the sunrise. Bind us together, Lord. Our god reigns.
My way. Ding-Dong! The witch is dead. If I were a butterfly.