This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 17 May 2013

Bad hymns 22

The judges of the Eccles Bad Hymn award are delighted to welcome Fr Frank Andersen, creator of the Galilee Song, which you can also hear here if you can stand it. This is the sort of hymn that goes down well with a lot of people, since it is only vaguely Christian. It is mostly about the mental state of the person singing the song, rather than about God.

Galilee Song

Is it a hymn? Is it a sea shanty?

Eccles: Now, Father Frank, why not lie down on this couch and sing the first verse of the song to me?

Fr Andersen:

Deep within my heart, I feel voices whispering to me.
Words that I can't understand; meanings I can't clearly hear!
Calling me to follow close, lest I leave myself behind!
Calling me to walking into evening shadows one more time!
E: Yes, you do seem to have severe psychological problems, Father. I would say it's like paranoia, only in reverse. You think you're following someone, but you don't know who or why?


Eccles interviews Father Andersen.

FA: Perhaps I need help, Eccles. Following someone such as Christ for a good reason is one thing, but I find myself following random people in the street, and don't know why.

So I leave my boats behind!
Leave them on familiar shores!
Set my heart upon the deep!
Follow you again, my Lord!
E: Oh yes, that's the chorus, isn't it. Well at least you're following someone called Lord, who seems to have something to do with boats. Would that be anyone in particular?

Lord Nelson

Why does this man Andersen keep following me?

FA: Well, it is supposed to be Christ. But the abandoned boats are mine, so it could also be Mohammed. Or Krishna. Or Buddha. Or Boris Johnson. I wanted to give people a choice of deities.

E: Very ecumenical. And it goes so well with any musical accompaniment, such as guitars, zithers, kazoos or Balinese nose-flutes. Sing me the next verse.


In my memories, I know how you send familiar rains
falling gently on my days, dancing patterns on my pain!
And I need to learn once more in the fortress of my mind,
to believe in falling rain as I travel deserts dry!
E: Tell me more about these pains, Father. Headaches is it? Migraines? They seem to be giving you delusions, too. You see, as a matter of fact, deserts dry don't have falling rain. That's why they're dry.

Rainy desert

Oh will the rain never stop?

FA: Sigh... I suppose you're right, Eccles. What do you recommend?

E: Take two aspirins, have a lie down, and don't try to write any more hymns, they just upset you.

FA: Eccles, thank you very much.

E: My pleasure. That'll be 100 guineas plus VAT. Next patient, please!

Previous entries for the Eccles Bad Hymn Award:

Lord of the Dance.    Shine, Jesus, shine.    Enemy of apathy.    Walk in the Light.
Kum Ba Yah.    Follow me.    God's Spirit is in my heart.    Imagine.    Alleluia Ch-ch.
It ain't necessarily so.    I, the Lord of sea and sky.    Colours of day.    The red flag.
Go, the Mass is ended.    I watch the sunrise.    Bind us together, Lord.    Our god reigns.
My way.    Ding-Dong! The witch is dead.    If I were a butterfly.
Journeys ended, journeys begun.


  1. 'Fortress of my mind'? Hints of Bonzo Dog Do Dah Band, methinks:

    In the canyons of your mind
    I will wander through your brain
    To the ventricles of your heart, my dear.
    I'm in love with you again!
    Across the mountains of your chest
    I will stick a Union Jack
    To the forest of your cheek, ah...
    Through the holes in your string vest

    My darling
    In my cardboard-covered dreams
    (Cardboard-covered dreams)
    Once again I hear your laugh
    (Oooh, oooh, oooh...)
    And I kiss, yes, I kiss your perfumed hair
    (But she's not there)
    The sweet essence of giraffe
    (Of giraffe)

    And each time I hear your name
    (Frying Pan, Frying Pan)
    Oh, oh, oh, my, it hurts!
    (He's in pain!)
    In the wardrobe of my soul
    (Of my soul)
    In the section labeled "Shirts"

    Mind, you, that'll probably just encourage him!!

  2. I think Lazarus' hymn too good for the bad hymn awards :) xx Jess

  3. I've never heard that hymn before, but who knows, in the coming persecution it may be played continuously at high volume in order to extract confessions.

    It could be renamed "The waterboarding song".

  4. Fr Anderson is suffering from Developmental Topographical Disorientation & severe Dissociative Identity Disorder. These are commonly found amongst people with similar Novus Disorders.