Knock, knock! Who's there? Enda. Enda who? Enda Life.
Eccles: We are indeed fortunate today to have a visit from that most pious of Catholics, Enda Life, the Teashop of Ireland. Especially at a village known for its shrine to the Blessed Virgin Mary, a woman who carried Jesus in her womb and spent 9 months complaining about it. Good morning, Enda. What are your thoughts on arriving at this sacred place?
Enda: Well, I was thinking that the way to solve Ireland's problems is to bring in liberal abortion laws. As a faithful Catholic, I know that this was something very dear to the heart of Mary.
Mary, a figure who has greatly influenced Enda Kenny.
Eccles: Have you discussed this with a priest? If you ask Cardinal Brady politely, he may just be prepared to grant you an interview. I gather that his views are somewhat different.
Enda: Look, am I or am I not allowed to decide for myself what Mary would have wanted? Isn't the Massacre of the Innocents a great Catholic feast?
Eccles: Well, not exactly. You may have got that slightly wrong.
Enda: The great thing about abortion is that it can be used to cure all sorts of unrelated illnesses. Got an infection? Have an abortion. Got a boil on your backside? Have an abortion. Got an ingrowing toenail? Have an abortion. Feeling depressed by the most recent episode of Downton Abbey? Have an abortion.
The Witch of Enda urges Saul to bring in abortion legislation.
Eccles: What if I'm not pregnant?
Enda: Oh just kill a random baby. It doesn't much matter whose. We call it "the protection of life."