This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday 24 October 2012

Bishop Williamson founds SS

Bishop Richard Williamson, expelled from the SSPX, today announced the formation of an entirely new religious group, to be called simply "SS."

Bishop Richard Williamson

Bishop Williamson.

"SS" stands for "Society of Saints," although at the moment its membership is cautiously estimated to be approximately 1. When it was pointed out that "SS" was an unfortunate name for his new society, sharing as it does the same brand name as the notorious Schutzstaffel, Bishop Williamson replied "I don't understand what you're talking about. It's only 1912, isn't it? Himmler isn't due to come to power for another 17 years."

Bishop Williamson is furious at his rejection by the SSPX, and added, "I shall be appealing directly to Pope Pius X over this matter." It was pointed out to him that Pius X died in 1914, but he replied "You may believe that, but I tell you it's just a modernist heresy."

Pope St Pius X

Pope St Pius X - expecting a stiff letter of complaint from Williamson.

For a long time, SSPX has been severely embarrassed by the activities of Bishop Williamson. They were hoping to encourage him to retire to Southend-on-Sea, where he could at least use an SS postcode without offending people: as Bishop Bernard Fellay put it: "I would say that Williamson is way beyond Barking."

Barking (mad)

Barking - Williamson is way beyond this.

Bishop Williamson has expressed himself unhappy with some of the doctrinal theories generally accepted by mainstream SSPX members, whatever their other differences with the Vatican. In particular he is unhappy with the idea that women should be allowed to attend church, or indeed to talk to men in public. "I would have been horrified to think that my own mother was a woman," he said. "I am sure that she was really a man." Bishop Williamson's latest book Virgo Maria - vir aut mulier? takes a whole new look at the mysteries of Jesus's parentage, and comes to the conclusion that there are no women in Heaven.

And God created Woman

A woman, so not saved.

We rang Bishop Williamson again this morning, hoping for further information on his future plans, but he was unavailable for comment, having gone to the doctor's with a slight soreness in his arm, caused by excessive saluting.

22 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Ah, 1912. Dat's neat, sister Jaddis.

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    2. Of course a purist might point out that the Titanic acquired the status RMS or Royal Mail Ship, just before sailing, but in the circumstances, I don't think it would have kept it.

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  2. Good Latin, Eccles!

    O Tempora O Mores!

    (which means, of course: Oh Times, Oh Daily Mirror!)

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    1. Eccles' Latin is always spot on – which is more than can be said for numerous blogs which loudly trumpet their adherence to the Latin Mass but can't string two words of Latin together without making some howler or other. (My favourite is probably the ever-reliable "ad orientum", with its occasional variant "ad orientam".)

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    2. You moron -- it's ad arientom !!!

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    3. Sorry, I was always a bit dylsexic. (That's why I like Ecclses blog.)

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    4. As practised by odd orienteers.

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  3. Possibly he will be able to wear one of the famous gold SSSSS collars as seen on Cardnal Woosey in hysterical movies such as A Man for All Seasons.

    Eccles, are such fancy collars forbidden to savd pussons?

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    Replies
    1. I dont reely know, Anon. I aint never seen a saved pusson (like bruvver Bosco) wearin one.

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    2. But bruvver Bosco is not a bishop. Perhaps bishops is fancier, or perhaps just not at all savd pussons, and therefore gaudy.

      Do you fink that Bp Williamson would be a good candidate for the Arbshp of Canterville? I'd back him against an entire company of priestesses and dancers.

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  4. "Our Lord is not 'El Cheapo'. Our Lord does not work on an 'El Cheapo' basis. Our Lord is 'El Expensivo'. Our Lord costs, because eternity is extremely precious." - Bishop Williamson, former SSPX, now SS.


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    1. Since Pius X and Pius V are already taken, Bruvver Williamson will have to choose another Pius for his society's name. Like Doctor Who, the possibilities are limited.

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    2. SSPIV has a certain ring to it, don't you think?

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    3. … In fact, since Pius IV was never canonised, one of those S's is superfluous. Which makes it even better.

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    4. What about as, the great Fr. X says, SSPII.V?

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  5. Not a saved parson24 October 2012 at 19:19

    Does this mean he is now simple Bruvver W and no longer Bishup W?

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  6. Well, I defer to all you Latin experts. I thought it was "Ariadne ad astra" but who cares anyway?

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    Replies
    1. Perhaps you are finking of 'aspidistra'?

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  7. Please tell me you didn't spend a lot of time coming up with this.

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    Replies
    1. OK. I didn't spend a lotta time comin up wiv dis.

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  8. disgusting bastards!

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