This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 17 August 2021

The Traddy-Ban captures Rome

Catholics worldwide have been stunned by the news that the Tradi-ban is now occupying Rome, led by the triumvirate of Bar-Golio, Pah-Rolin, and Ahfah-Roche. Last night Rome was full of Tradi-Ban troops singing the victory anthem "Trads Cussed".

Sadly, nobody suspected that when President Bidenict XVI withdrew his forces in 2013, the brutal forces of Tradi-ban would soon be able to take over and occupy the eternal city and from there rule the entire land of Catholistan.

Pope Francis on telephone

"Someone's singing Salve Regina! Send in the elite Swiss Guard commandos."

With the Tradi-ban in power, there will be many new restrictions on the rights of Catholics - and in particular, they will be deprived of freedom of worship. Women will be told how to dress: mantillas and long dresses are out, and they will be forced to wear the soulless uniform dictated by Bar-Goglio, namely, bergos (crop tops and yoga pants).

President Bidenict has so far not commented on the Tradi-ban coup, and at his advanced age he now spends most of his time sleeping and eating ice-cream. However, there has been criticism worldwide of his hasty withdrawal, which left many Catholics in danger of persecution.

Ruined church

The Tradi-ban's forces fail to destroy a strategic target.

All is not lost, however. Political commentators such as Max Beans, Lamb Chop, and Tom Risible have welcomed the Tradi-ban as finally bringing Catholistan kicking and screaming into the 1970s. And we know how seriously people take their views.


  1. Exquisite! As someone who’s always enjoyed writing satire the best compliment I can offer is: “I wish I’d written that!”

    As a member of the Indultistas in my youth, we had to deal with the Tradi-ban constantly. Nasty folks. I was on the verge of joining the French Foreign Legion’s resistance group “Les Fevrierists” (so-called because of their fanatical devotion to Pope Pius IX who once died in February) when our liberation appeared at hand: “Some More Pontificals” seemed to sound the death-knell of the Tradi-ban… alas, the final chapter has yet to be written…

  2. "new restrictions on the rights of Catholics..." And also on their rites.

  3. Brilliant. Thank you Eccles. You say the right things right on time.

  4. Tradi-ban Triumvirate’s top tune: Lord of the Dance
    by top pagan composer, ‘Shiva Syd’
    Gold Winner: Eccles’ World Cup of Bad Catholic Hymns

    Trads Cussed

    I danced in the morning when I cussed the Trads
    Told them Trad Mass is very, very bad
    I laughed when I saw them look so sad
    I sing this song & it makes me glad

    Dance, dance wherever you may be
    I am the lord of my dance, says me
    I cancel those who disagree with me
    Excommunicated be

    I danced in the morning when my Tradi-ban
    Led a coup to create Catholistan
    Emeritus will surely pan my plan
    Hope that Ganswein is still my man


    1. Excellent! I am humming - and strumming - along...

  5. When I saw the title I thought "Traddy-Ban" is the traditional Catholic version of Taliban who have reclaimed Rome.

  6. If it weren't treating you a Pachamama doll I'd be bowing down before you Eccles. You're the best.

  7. First Place award for Catholic blog for the week, month, maybe the whole year. I'd send an official certificate if I knew how to put it in this comment box. Thanks for a great post!

  8. Eccles, are you trying to trad-uce HH?

  9. Tradi-ban, Tradi-ban, slip on de banana
    Daylight come and he wanna go Rome