This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday 27 March 2023

AI-generated image of Pope Francis goes viral

The Internet went wild today (this is standard journalist-speak for a "a few people we know sent it to us along with some naughty pictures") over a strange image of Pope Francis, produced entirely by AI - or Austen Ivereigh to give it its full name.

Ivereigh book

Obviously a fake!

Whereas previous images of Pope Francis have portrayed him as a bully, a dictator, a heretic, and a protector of child abusers, this new artificially ivereighed image sees him as a humble, saintly man, who defends all traditional worship and would not be seen dead worshipping obscene idols.

To take a passage at random from the book produced by ChatGnome, we have a sonnet (with two extra lines as Austen was away the day they did counting at school):

Behold, Francis, a hero of great might,
A blend of Batman, Superman, and more,
A fighter for good, a defender of right,
He stands with justice, against the dark core.

Like Spock, he's logical, wise and sound,
With knowledge vast, and a keen intellect,
He cuts through chaos, on solid ground,
A stalwart protector, in his deflect.

With a light saber, he battles the foe,
Like Obi Wan, he strikes with skill and grace,
Through danger and peril, he'll always go,
With fearless heart and a steady pace.

And like D'Artagnan, he stands with his sword,
A true swashbuckler, fearless and bold,
The world will be safe, with him on guard,
Francis, the hero, strong and untold.
Clearly the Austen Ivereigh program needs a little fine tuning, although spending three years at a Synod on Synods of Synodic Synodalism will no doubt iron out any problems in the software.

Finally, here are a couple of recent pictures of Pope Francis (I could not find one in which he was dressed as Batman), taken from the AI book.

Michelin v Pope

Pope Francis never tires!

Tuesday 14 March 2023

2013 and all that (part 2)

Continued from Part 1.

The story so far: Pope Francis the humble has been in the chair of St Peter for two years, and he is just getting started.

Francis was now tiring of religious teaching, and so he turned his attention to the environment instead. It was time for a papal encyclopaedia, which he called Loudhailer Si' because he went around shouting about it. He had realised that many Catholics were going to end up in a hot place if they did not mend their ways - possibly at the North Pole, where there were now no penguins at all.

Francis in a plane

"Next time, we're all going by bicycle."

Francis was very keen on sinners, and so he organized a Second Sinner of the Family, which, like the first one, was instructed to think of new sins that could be tried out. We shall tell of the results later.

However, Francis had not forgotten the faithful Catholics who still believed in the Bible, and so he encouraged them with new cries of "rigid!" This was a Good Thing.

At the end of the year, there was a great celebration of Creation, and pictures of baboons and toads were projected onto the walls of St Peter's in Rome. At first, people assumed that they were images of Cardigan Marxist, Cardigan Dandruff, and similar Eminems (as cardigans are called). In the end, it was realised that they were simply creatures to be venerated, similar to the "rigid" saints that had previously been respected.


Which cardigan is this?

It was also the start of the Year of Murky, in which murkiness was to be celebrated throughout the Catholic world. Churches were asked to have special "Doors of Murky" by which the faithful could enter to show their devotion to murky. If no such door was available, the faithful were encouraged to climb in through a Window of Murky, or down a Chimney of Murky. These were called spiritual exercises.

horrible logo

The two-headed cyclops logo, designed by Marko Rupnik SJ, a great Catholic hero.

But it was not long before the Church forgot about being Murky, as after the Sinner of the Family Pope Francis released his magnum opus, which he called Amorous Letitia, in honour of a girl he had known in Argentina in the days before he became a priest. Latin scholars tell us that it also means "The Joy of Sex".

Not all Catholics understood Amorous Letitia. The bits where families were encouraged to spend time together, washing the cats, talking to the goldfish, or kissing the car goodnight, were clear enough, but there were doubts about whether adultery was now encouraged, and whether divorce was the answer if the wife snored.

Andy Capp

The Spirit of Amorous Letitia.

So four cardigans bravely wrote to the pope asking if he could clarify Catholic teaching for them. To a Jesuit, being asked to clarify *anything* is a mortal insult, and in a spirit of Murky, Francis pretended that the letter (known as the five "Do-be-clears") had been lost in the post.

So we shall never know whether adultery is a sin, especially since two of the Do-be-clear cardigans died soon after impertinently asking for guidance.

In the next part, Pope Francis appoints some strange new cardigans, cuts a deal with President Xi-who-must-be-obeyed, and takes up the worship of Pachanonsense.

Friday 3 March 2023

A guest post from ChatGPT

There's not much point in our blogging any more, is there? From what follows, it seems that artificial intelligence has won. We got ChatGPT to tell us about Uncle Arthur....

Arthur Roche laughing

"I'm soooo... sad to hear about the unhappiness of the TLM worshippers."

Could you write a piece in the style of praising Cardinal Roche in a sarcastic way?

Certainly, here is my attempt:

Oh, how lucky we are to have Cardinal Roche in our midst! His presence brings a ray of sunshine to our cloudy and dreary world. His impeccable taste and style are second to none. It's no wonder that he has been dubbed the "Prada Cardinal" by those in the know.

His liturgical expertise is truly awe-inspiring. Who else could come up with such brilliant ideas as the "Table Mass," where the priest faces the people and the altar is replaced with a simple table? It's so much more intimate and modern than the old-fashioned way of doing things.

And let's not forget his groundbreaking work in the area of translations. He's made it his mission to make sure that the language of the liturgy is accessible to everyone, even if it means sacrificing accuracy and theological clarity. Who needs those things anyway when you have inclusive language and catchy slogans?

Some might criticize Cardinal Roche for his apparent disregard for tradition and his willingness to pander to the whims of the modern world. But we know better. We understand that he is simply ahead of his time, a visionary who is pushing the Church into the 21st century whether we like it or not.

So let us raise a glass to Cardinal Roche, the Prada-wearing, table-loving, slogan-spouting liturgical genius. May his influence continue to shape the Church for generations to come!

Roche and Nichols

Soon it will be able to post photos as well.

I guess that ChatGPT has already been contributing to Where Pacha Is...

Still human intervention can add something. I asked ChatGPT to mention cake as well...

Of course, Cardinal Roche's love of cake is also well known. Some might question the wisdom of indulging in such sweet treats, but we know that he does it for the sake of the Church. After all, what better way to build community than by sharing a slice of cake with your fellow parishioners?

I promise I'll stop soon, but...

Please write me a short hymn containing the lines "Oh, we are saved" and "Everyone is good".

Oh, we are saved, by grace divine,
Redeemed from darkness, we now shine,
Our hearts ablaze with love and light,
Guided by faith, through darkest night.

Everyone is good, in God's pure sight,
Beneath the surface, we're all alike,
No one is perfect, but all can be,
Saved by His grace, forever free.

So let us sing with voices strong,
Praising His name, all day long,
For we are saved, and everyone is good,
By His mercy, we've been understood.
Marty Haugen

"I'll have to look to my laurels!" says Marty Haugen.