This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday 23 January 2024

The World Cup of Bad Catholic Writers - nominations requested

In 2019 we had the World Cup of Bad Catholic Journalists (loosely interpreted as including anyone who scribbled), so now it's time for another. Last time the winners were: GOLD, Martin; SILVER, Ivereigh; BRONZE Faggioli; 4TH PLACE, Spadaro.

Martin and Ivereigh

The winners last time.

I've changed the title slightly, in the interests of Diversity - remember, as St Paul said: And now there remain equality, diversity and inclusion, these three: but the greatest of these is diversity.

To qualify for this prestigious competition, you need to be (a) alive, (b) Catholic (or claiming to be), and (c) a journalist, blogger, author, ... on Catholic subjects. The referee's decision (mine) is final.

So please let me have nominations. We'll give an automatic place to all those who reached Round 2 last time, as well as a few of my own favourites, and then see who else is nominated: to do this, either reply here or on Twitter. We'll close nominations when I think we're ready to start.

John Allen Jr
Tony Annett
Tina Beattie	 
Liz Bruenig	 
Dean Dettloff	
Massimo Faggioli
Víctor Manuel Fernández
Dawn Eden Goldstein	
Daniel Horan	
Austen Ivereigh	
Christopher Lamb
Mike Lewis
James Martin	
Robert Mickens	
Mike O'Loughlin
Catherine Pepinster	
Thomas Reese	
Thomas Rosica	
Mark Shea	
Antonio Spadaro	
Stephen Walford	
Michael Sean Winters	
Over to you!

Cardinal Fernandez

Most promising newcomer?

We'll exclude Pope Francis to give everyone else a chance in respect for the office he holds.

Monday 8 January 2024

Tucho embarks on a book-signing

Cardinal "Tucho" Fernàndez, Head of the Vatican Dicastery for Naughty Things, is now embarking on a tour of Rome's bookshops, signing copies of the reprinted version of his hard-porn best-seller "Mystical Passion", which, he explains, he wrote as a "clarification" of his previous soft-porn book, "Kiss me, Cheeky!"

Porn book

For those wishing to obtain signed copies of the learned treatise, described by Mike Lewis of Where Pacha Is as "A little intellectual for me, but otherwise fine", Tucho will be at "Dirty Books 'R' us" at 9 a.m., the "Porno Emporium" at 10, and the Vatican Library at 11.

Mike Lewis

One satisfied customer (until the Pope changes his mind).

Meanwhile, we have had no comments from Pope Teflon, so it seems that he is still entirely happy to see Tucho directing the doctrine of the Catholic Church. There are others equally qualified to take over Tucho's job, such as Pope Teflon's good friends Marko Rupnik and Gustavo Zanchetta, but it seems that they may miss out this time.

Pope Francis

"The buck never reached me, so how can it stop here?"

Addendum: no comments yet from Lamb, Ivereigh, etc. as far as I know. But they probably need to read the book thoroughly - say half-a-dozen times - before commenting.

Friday 5 January 2024

The twelve days of Christmas

I started this song 3 years ago, got up to verse 5, and then gave up. Now, being totally lacking in shame, I have decided to complete it.

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Bishop Barron

...a bishop in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Two rotten books

...two turkeys' books, ...

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Nuns on the bus

...three old hens, ...

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Four cardinals

...four cardinals, ...

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Pope baffled

...five Dubia, ...

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Six Jesuits

...six priests a-preying, ...

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Synodal table

...seven Synners Synning, ...

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

 Friends of Austen Ivereigh

...eight clowns a-circling, ...

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Arthur Roche a la Warhol

...nine Roches raging, ...

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Pachamamas

...ten Pachamamas, ...

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Swiss guards

...eleven guards a-guarding, ...

Finally, on the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

Twelve papal non-lookalikes

...twelve popes a-poping, ...