This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday 21 June 2023

The synod of bishops will welcome (nearly) everyone

It's the day the whole Catholic Church has been waiting for: the Instrumentum Laboris for the forthcoming Synod of Synodal Bishops on Synodality (sponsored by Bud Light) is released. This is the result of lengthy discussions and the use of sophisticated AI (so NOT Austen Ivereigh), and the common theme is ALL ARE WELCOME.

As Cardinal Jean-Claude Hollerich points out, we need to welcome persistent adulterers, LGBTQSJ+- people, and even the bigamists! They may receive communion - indeed, why not let them act as Extraordinary Monsters of Holy Communion?


The Hell Choir (anag., 9 letters) is singing!

We must also welcome female deacons, and this includes transgender deacons and those who self-identify as cats. Give them a friendly stroke (the cats, that is) and a saucer of milk! Welcome any dead mice they have brought in to Mass!

But this is only half the story. Following representations from Pope Francis's best mates, we shall now be pleased to encourage:
* Abortionists,
* Child abusers,
* Rapists,
* Embezzlers, and of course
* Idol-worshippers.
I think this includes most of Francis's bosom pals. Hi, Emma, Marko, Gustavo, Giovanni, and the Pachamama club!

Rupnik trash

From the Austen Ivereigh Art Collection: we welcome the drunk addicted to custard pies!

Of course there are some classes of people that cannot POSSIBLY be welcomed. Anyone who wants to celebrate the traditional Latin Mass... anyone who asks embarrassing questions about Amoris Laetitia (bye, bye, Burke!)... all indietrists, backwardists, self-absorbed Promethean neo-Pelagians, faithful Catholics, ...


I hope the bishops have got the message now.

Late news. There is one category of Francis mates that we forgot to mention. And, for once, there is a Biblical justification to it, since Christ told us to feed the hungry. Yes, here we are!

Roche and cake

We welcome the gluttons!

Tuesday 13 June 2023

A guide to Reformation Architecture

Many people travelling round Britain have visited architectural wonders such as Fountains Abbey, Rievaulx Abbey, Byland Abbey... oh, there are too many to list separately. The Tudor Reformation style of architecture is very distinctive - it is generally very minimalist with no roof, no walls, no doors, no windows, etc. Or at least very few.

Whitby Abbey

Whitby Abbey, designed by Henry VIII.

The problem with medieval abbeys - prior to the 1530s - was that they were ugly, cumbersome things, which contributed to Climate Change. Henry VIII was very aware of this problem, "We shall all be dead by 1547!" he said, and his case he was quite correct. So an emergency "Net Zero" campaign was launched, led by his third wife, Queen Greta, Duchess of Thunberg.

Tintern Abbey

Tintern Abbey - note the well-ventilated, low-carbon construction.

Carbon emissions were reduced to zero, as there were no longer any fires. Unnecessary architectural features such as walls were removed. The only heating allowed was by windmills and solar panels; however, since nobody really understood electricity in those days, the monks found the new eco-abbeys very cold in winter, despite the fearsome global warming that was going on around them, and they all left.

Bolton Abbey

Bolton Abbey - a hybrid construction.

People still visit these abbeys, although they are mostly uninhabited these days. Will we start to see similar eco-measures in secular buildings? Offices and schools without windows, walls, doors, and roofs? We can learn from the Reformation!

(Is this OK, Greta? I haven't checked all the details. Eccles.)

Sunday 4 June 2023

The World Cup of Royal Saints - nominations please

As promised several weeks ago, I'm going to run a World Cup of Royal Saints using Twitter polls (as long as Uncle Elon lets me). All the people I have thought of so far are listed in Wikipedia in the rather loose category Roman Catholic royal saints, which includes "mere" Blesseds as well. You are welcome to suggest others in that category, but also some who are not listed there if some other Christian church regards them as saintly (the umpire's decision on royalty and saintlihood is final). Nominate by replying either on Twitter or to this blog.

So far we have the following (to give them their Wikipedia descriptions):
Charles I of Austria
Edmund the Martyr
Edward the Confessor
Edward the Martyr
Elizabeth of Hungary
Henry II, Holy Roman Emperor
Isabella I of Castile
Louis IV of Thuringia
Louis IX of France
St Margaret of Scotland
Stephen I of Hungary
Wenceslaus I
Once we have enough (again, the umpire's decision is final), we'll start the World Cup. As usual you may vote using any criterion you wish - saintliness, beauty, what will most annoy me, etc.

So let's finish with four photos chosen completely at random from the starters. They are, in order, Isabella I of Castille, Clotilde, Edward the Confessor, and Stephen I of Hungary.

Isabella I of Castile


Edward the Confessor

Stephen I of Hungary

Finally, please don't nominate people who you think should be regarded as saints but aren't officially venerable/blessed/saints.

Friday 2 June 2023

It's WRATH Pride!

We are absolutely FURIOUS that governments, businesses, and even churches are ignoring WRATH PRIDE!

Other deadly sins get their month of glory - we see the rainbow flags of LUST PRIDE (usually abbreviated to PRIDE), and we would see the flags of SLOTH PRIDE if they had bothered to design one, but oh no, WRATH PRIDE isn't good enough to be recognised!

Wrath mass

A post-Vatican II WRATH MASS.

Celebrating WRATH MONTH is very easy. Unlike LUST MONTH you don't have to take you clothes off, and unlike SLOTH MONTH you don't have to turn over in bed and say "Leave me alone." No, all we are asking government, businesses, churches etc. to do is what is very natural, and which many do already - be rude to those you serve.

Mr Men

The provisional WRATH PRIDE flag.

Roger Hargreaves has kindly designed a WRATH PRIDE Flag for us - the alternative was simply to use a red rag, known to enrage bulls, but this would have been harder to recognise. We want to COME OUT and show our ANGER to the WORLD!

Batley women

Batley Townswomen's Guild hold a WRATH party in honour of their most famous son, Arthur Roche.

Some bigoted people condemn us, saying that WRATH is a sin, but how can it be if so many people enjoy it? "Love thy neighbour" is all very well, but "Scream at thy neighbour" comes much more naturally to many of us. So let's celebrate it! STAMP OUT WRATHPHOBIA! With both feet if necessary!

Pope Francis angry

See? Pope Francis is backing us!

Well, that's all I have to say on the matter, you tedious boring blog-readers. You make me SICK! And I hope I make you SICK too!