This is me, Eccles
Sunday, 21 February 2021
1. So, the season of Lent having arrived, Eccles went into the wilderness to pray. 2. And the Devil came unto him in his hermitage, and said "Eccles, why dost thou not go for a walk, and sit on the ground, eating the food known as pic-nic?" 3. For it was the time of plague, and the Devil had said these words to tempt him. 4. And Eccles replied, "Man cannot live by picnics alone. Besides there is a fine of ten thousand gold pieces for anyone who picnicketh at these times. For picnics kill people."
Tuesday, 16 February 2021
With apologies to Kenneth Grahame "Do you know," said the Brand-Moler, blissfully drinking a huge tankard of German beer as he sat in the garden of the Pope Emeritus. "I've hardly ever been to these apartments before." "Really?" said the Ratzinger solemnly. "To my mind there is nothing at all so worthwhile as messing about in the Vatican." "What a day I'm having, Ratty," continued the Brand-Moler with a sigh of full contentment. What's in the picnic basket?" "Following papal advice, there's Legumes," replied the Ratzinger briefly. "BroadBeansLentilsPeasPeanuts BakedBeansChickpeas MassimoFaggioli PulsesRunnerBeans..." "Oh stop, stop!" cried the Brand-Moler in ecstasies. "This is too much! What a feast, Ratty!"
Saturday, 13 February 2021
Jerusalem, AD 31 Jesus of Nazareth, the young preacher who is rapidly building up a reputation for His ability to change water into wine, to feed thousands of people on fish sandwiches, and to heal people who drop in through the roof, has been severely criticised for ignoring the fundamental Catholic doctrine "What would Francis do?"
Lambchop, Austen the gnome, and James Martin LGBTSJ attempt to correct Jesus.Some examples of criticisms are the following: When He saved a woman taken in adultery from being stoned, He told her to "Go and sin no more." A true WWPFD Catholic would have told her that she could carry on with her adultery, and, after a period of discernment and accompaniment, she could be recognised as a virtuous member of the community. (See the Commandments of Amoris Laetitia, number 306, footnote 2b(xi).) Jesus continues to make references to "God the Father", and refuses to accept other gods. Does Pachamama mean nothing to Him? Is He not aware of the useful role that idols can play in modern worship? martial art of Papa-slappa, rather than a whip of knotted chords. Still, it's a start...
Saturday, 6 February 2021
Continued from Chapter 12 1. It had been decided that all the world should be Vaxed, and the wise men produced a vixen to protect the people from the plague. 2. Nobody was sure what it did until they consulted the stars, so they named it the AstroLogica vixen. 3. Now Bo-sis and his servant Matthew of Hanoch had already ordered large numbers of the AstroLogica vixen, but their neighbour in EUgypt, the Pharaoh Ursula of Lebanon, had not ordered hers in a timely fashion. Continued in Chapter 14.
Thursday, 4 February 2021
A new production of A man for all seasons, describing the martrydom of St John Z, has been announced. Obviously the script is too long for this blog, but we can at least give an idea of the plot, together with some of the dialogue. Of course some details are exaggerated slightly for dramatic purposes... The main dispute is between Bishop Hying VIII, who wishes to convert the Catholic Church into a branch of the
Demonic Democratic party, and St John Z, a priest and author (his famous
blog Ztopia tells of an ideal world where people drink lots of Mystic Monk coffee, take photos of
aeroplane seats, carry guns, and speak almost entirely in Latin).