This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday 19 October 2022

Satan appointed to Pontifical Academy for Life

Archbishop Paglia has expressed his delight at the appointment of Satan, the well-known religious figure, as a new member of the Pontifical Academy for Life. In a statement on Twitter, Monsignor Paglia said "The @PontAcadLife is grateful to the Holy Father for the appointment of new Members of the Academy. Together with existing Members they will provide unique expertise as the #Magisterium addresses new challenges and strengthens commitment to #Jesus and His commands."

The PAL in session.

Satan's CV is indeed impressive, and he is known to have personal experience of Jesus and His commands. Attracting such a well-known figure to the academy is clearly a great coup for Pope Francis. It was at first thought that the Father of Lies would be reluctant to join, having seen that another of those appointed for a five-year term is the pro-abortion Mariana Mazzucato, but "Hey! We all have to tolerate people with more extreme views than we have ourselves," he said.

Will Satan be able to work with colleagues such as Mazzucato?

Satan was mentioned in Austen Ivereigh's 2020 Book "Go away, Austen, I'm trying to get some sleep", where the Pope described his work as "thinking that is not ideological, which moves beyond the polarization of free market capitalism and state socialism". Oh, sorry, that was Mazzucato.

Babylon Bee

Even the Babble-on Bean has taken note...

Naturally the Illiterati are excited about the appointment of Satan to the Pontifical Academy. The Babble-on Bean, a satirical website run by Massimo Faggioli, is full of praise for him as a moderating influence on the PAL. And of course Christopher Lamb has rushed to interview him.

It is hoped that this appointment will help restore the reputation of PapePAL, as the Pontifical Academy is commonly known, especially as so many people have deserted it recently. The British parliament in particular is delighted, having just voted to criminalize prayer, genuflection and even crossing oneself within a buffer zone round abortion clinics.

We can help

Inflammatory slogans such as "WE CAN HELP" are to be banned!

Sunday 2 October 2022

Melon girl bad!

Some of our leading Catholic commentators (notably Massimo "Beans" Faggioli and Christopher "Lambchop" Lamb) have pointed out that the beliefs of the probable new prime minister of Italy, Giorgia Meloni, are hard-right, fascist, extremist, worse even than the hated orange man Trump, definitely something that would make even Mussolini say "Hang on, you're going a bit far there!"

Melon girl bad!

These beliefs include:

1. Claiming to be a Catholic Christian.
2. Opposition to abortion.
3. Opposition to euthanasia.
4. Opposition to same-sex "marriage" and "parenting".
5. Defence of the Biblical male/female family.
Golly! I can hardly bear to copy down such a manifesto of hard-right fascist filth!


Top commentator Lambchop of the Bitter Pill.

It is vitally important that Italy should have a prime minister more in sympathy with Catholic values, namely:

1. Claiming to be a "devout" Catholic, perhaps of the Bidenesque sort
who has new batteries fitted every Sunday morning so that he can
stagger off to church and fall asleep.

2. Encouragement of abortion, as late-term as possible. 

3. Euthanasia - well, be careful here, for if we are going to get
rid of old useless people then some presidents and popes may need
to worry. Correction. Apparently this only applies to
killing old people who are not millionaires.

4. Support of same-sex anything-you-like and suppression of all
opposition, which is described as "hate", "bigotry", etc. even 
though 50 years ago everyone would have agreed that same-sex
marriage was a joke.

5. The Bible!? Sheesh! This went out with the Synod of all Synods.
Ask Austen Ivereigh, who has been too busy acting as an "expert"
to join the concerted attack on the Melon Girl.
Biden and ice-cream

Ice-cream man good!

Melon, lamb chop, beans and ice-cream. A good recipe for indigestion.