Jean-Marc Aveline Lorenzo Baldisseri Giovanni Becciu Tarcisio Bertone Joao Braz de Aviz Francesco Coccopalmerio Blase Cupich Michael Czerny Timothy Dolan Francisco Errázuriz Ossa Kevin Farrell Oswald Gracias Mario Grech Wilton Gregory Jean-Claude Hollerich Walter Kasper Roger Mahony Oscar Maradiaga Reinhard Marx Robert McElroy Wilfrid Napier Vincent Nichols Seán O'Malley Marc Ouellet Pietro Parolin Arthur Roche Christoph Schönborn Leonardo Steiner Luis Tagle Joseph Tobin Silvano Tomasi Donald Wuerl[Now updated.] Since we now have the magic 32 entrants, nominations are closed, and the competition will start on Friday 2nd September. Oh, and we excluded popes, past and present, and also Uncle Ted McCarrick.
This is me, Eccles
Tuesday 30 August 2022
Well, it's not quite 4 years since the first World Cup of Bad Cardinals, but for obvious reasons now seems like an appropriate time to give the new talent a chance to compete with the old boys.
Sunday 28 August 2022
I was privileged to join Christopher Lambchop (of the Bitter Pill) and Christopher Whitebait (of the Fishwrap) in a sycophantic intervew of Uncle Arthur Roche, although I did not say much. closing churches in Leeds, your Sublimity. Wasn't the DVD that you produced explaining this top of the charts in Yorkshire for two years, O saintly one? Arthur: Yes, this was my finest hour in England. My idea has even been taken up by Pope Francis! Chris: Could you explain that, your Vastness? Arthur: All cardinals are assigned a church in Rome. Mine is San Saba. But the Holy Father has just sent me a DVD explaining that San Saba is to close, and all new cardinals are being given beach houses instead. Apparently, this was Ted McCarrick's idea.
Saturday 27 August 2022
Well, you know how it is. One of your best mates dies, and he just happens to be an embezzler who stole $450,000 to pay off a homosexual partner, while at the same time covering up sex abuse. Oh, and in his spare time he was an archbishop. Well, de mortuis nil nisi bonum as it says in the Latin rite, so you brush this under the carpet and make a statement on Twitter saying how wonderful he was. (Next week on this blog... how Hitler was a gifted painter.) Your devoted fans, the Jimbies, will back you up.
Friday 5 August 2022
Chicago, 1929. Cardinal Al Capone of the Chicago Outfit has issued a statement concerning the suppression of the North Side Institute on Febuary 14th (the St Valentine's Day Mass-acre). Father "Z" Uhlsdorf.