This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday 27 October 2023

The World Cup of Synod Jargon

The only way to understand the purpose of this Synod on Synodality is to see how people have described it. Accordingly we shall hold a World Cup of Synod Jargon, starting on Monday 30th October (using Twitter/X polls once more).

Ivereigh's experts

Synodal experts!

So far the runners and riders are as follows. I will accept more authentic nominations if they are genuine quotations from synodists, and I am adding new ones to the list as they are received.
a concrete, theologically astute application
a constitutive dimension
a harmony of unity and plurality
a kenotic de-centering
a listening Church
a missionary synodal Church
a new way of being Church
a place of acceptance and discernment
a synod doesn't decide — it discerns
an invitation to step towards God's table
authentic listening
beyond fragmentation and polarization
Catholics must experience the synod, must do synod
conversation in the Spirit
creating spaces for everyone
decision-making processes in an authentically synodal manner
encounters in faith
enlarge the space of your tent
experts in the synod hall
God's surprises
healthy restlessness of incompleteness
help open the doors of the church
humanity tempted by the post-human
involving and energizing the entire community
listening and dialogue
live unity-in-diversity
manage tensions
moving outwards towards everyone in order to go together

not Babel — Pentecost
not concerned with emotions so much as motions
nourished unceasingly
our identity and vocation 
our pilgrim journey 
outpouring of the Holy Spirit
participation, governance, and authority
put the synod's fruits into action
significance of the round tables
synod mothers
that respects the protagonism of the Spirit
the art of new narratives
the courage to encounter reality
the horizon of communion
the invitation to journey together
the lived experience that has been shared
the most exciting moment in the Catholic Church since Vatican II
the synod process is organic and ecological 
the synodal Church as an integral experience
the truest, most vital dynamisms of the human
the vision of Vatican II
theological and ecclesial depth
this time of profound encounter and dialogue
useful for communal discernment
walking together

And if you read all that lot without screaming, then congratulations!

Synodal wimmin

Synodal wimmin!

Monday 23 October 2023

Dead people awareness month

Are you tired of Black Non-binary History Month? Do you yawn when reminded that it's Transgender Lives Support Week? Can you really bear the excitement of LGBTSJQED James Martin Coming Out Day?

Well, that's too bad, as the Catholic Church, at least, has designated November as Dead People Awareness Month. It's also known as People Without Lives Matter, and Gone to Meet Their Maker History Month (although of course it's true that most of history was made by people who are now pushing up the daisies).

Jolly Roger

People are sick of stripy flags, so we went for this very tasteful one.

We are looking forward to a lot of Dead People Awareness in November, although we are not expecting many dead people to celebrate in person. To kick off, November 1st is Saved Person History Day, and November 2nd is All The Other Dead People Day. After that it goes a bit downhill, but we end the month on a high note with St Andrew, the Scottish disciple, who also happens to be dead.

St Andrew

November 30th is also Saved Fishermen Awareness Day.

Of course all events will be overshadowed by the Synod - you may have realised that October was Synodal Bores Gobbledegook Month, in which all synodal participants were asked to conceal their inmost thoughts by cloaking them in buzzwords.

Sr Maria Grazia Angelini has shown that women can do this just as well as men (so why can't they be ordained?) with her classic "I pray that this synod receives the art of new narrations, the radical humility of knowing the likeness of the Reign of God in the most varied and human dynamisms."

However, Cardinal Joe "Nighty-night" Tobin is also doing well, with his "Synodality is a constitutive dimension of the Church since its origin that is still being realized today. Indeed, it expresses a radical call to conversion, change, prayer and action for all."

Meanwhile, other synodal "experts" continue to exchange gobbledegook.

Ivereigh and Martin

Austen Ivereigh tells a horrified James Martin that he's just written yet another book about Pope Francis

Thursday 5 October 2023

We eavesdropped on the Synod

Nothing can keep down an ace reporter. I gatecrashed the 2013 conclave by borrowing a cardinal's robes (without permission, in fact), and today I was in the Synod of Synodiocy disguised as Sister Lesbia Nosebucket, the feminist nun and professor of transgender hermeneutics.

All reporting was forbidden: Pope Francis doesn't want it to be known what the views of the participants were, because he has already written the final report. Still, here are some of the snippets I managed to catch:

Synod logo

"When's the big hairy giant going to turn up?"

"Why don't we..."

"That's immoral! Let's do it."

"Austen, would you like some cushions so that you can reach the table?"

"Who's nicked my my Pachamama doll?"

"Haven't we met on Grindr?"

"These Team Rupnik tee-shirts really give us a sense of unity."

Synod crowd

"I see your 'ordain donkeys' and raise you to 'bless people who marry donkeys'."

"Tucho just made an improper suggestion to me! Still, I'll think about it."

"Arthur, that food was for the whole table!"

"Give us a kiss."

"If you haven't read my book about Lazarus's LGBT orgies you've missed out."

"How did you do it with a melon?"

Synod table

"I'm a deaconess. Do your own washing up."

"You're a Jesuit? There's a coincidence - I'm a weirdo too."

"Austen, you've licked my boots enough now."

"You're trans? What does the diocese think?"

"There's only insect pie for dinner, Arthur. Read my new essay 'Loada Te-dium'."