This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 19 October 2019

Mordor Synod going well so far

After two weeks of the long-awaited Mordor Synod, Pope Saruman ("the man in white") has declared himself "very happy" with the development of doctrine that has been taking place.

Saruman had invited various religious leaders from the wilds of Mordor, where Catholic priests are almost unknown, to take part and let the Church benefit from the spiritual wisdom of the orcs.


Pope Saruman with his "stang".

Debate is still going on about the ordination of orcs, who at least have never been known to marry, and the question of genociding elves remains open.

In an ecumenical service in Rome, Pope Saruman led a ceremony of devotion to a strange idol, positively identified by Austen Wormtongue as St Peter, although malicious commentators have identified it as the infamous Gollumama.


Gollumama, or possibly St Peter the fisherman.

Some critics, such as Cardinal Gandalf and Fr Odo Baggins, have condemned the Synod in outspoken language, saying, "By and large, all things considered, a devotion to Sauron may be seen as inconsistent with some Catholic beliefs, and, although we would not go so far as saying that it was in any way wrong, we would ask Catholics to regard it with a certain amount of suspicion. On the other hand... In a very real sense..." That's telling them!

Meanwhile, Fr James Radagast SJ has come to the conclusion that Gollumama is "probably gay", and so he is delighted with the devotions.


Mordor. The future inspiration for the Catholic Church?


  1. Not forgetting Sister Aurora Borealis of the Community of the Holy Coast, who sees sacred images of native ladies feeding weasels as emblematic of the Amazon's capacity to spiritually nurture the whole Planet. As to comments that the image might not represent a weasel, she insisted that a weasel is weasily recognised, while a stoat is stoatally different - at least that is the common assumption interrogated in a book she got from Amazon...

  2. All too sad and true Eccles.
    Fathers fiddle and put out books while Christendom burns.

  3. Brilliantly done as always, Eccles. Still laughing...

  4. Ah! Let us not forget the cult of St. Tom Bombadil who never could bring himself to oppose the forces of Mordor.

  5. How have I missed this? This is genius!

  6. Three Tucum Rings for the Arch-Heretics who lie,
    Five for the Pachamamas under the waves,
    Nine for Mortal Cardinals doomed to die,
    One Tucum for the woke Pope who thinks it saves,
    One Tucum to lead all men astray,
    One Tucum to fail them,
    One Tucum to bring them all and in darkness bind them.

  7. Sadly, I think this is 100% true.