The Book of Numbskulls 2 - after the fall of Bosis

After some delay, continued from Chapter 1.

1. Following the fall of Bosis, it was decided that the children of Bri-tain would be led by his servant Trusshua.

But Liz telleth Liz that she will not be around for long.

2. Thus Trusshua went to see the Queen of Elisheba to receive the holy seals of office.

3. And such was the joy of Elisheba that she died three days later, to be succeeded by her eldest son, the King Charlemagne III.

The Lady of the Lake giveth the sword to Charlemagne.

4. So for ten days there was no government, as the country went into mourning, and the critics said: "All goeth very well at present. Can we not mourn for a few more years?"

5. But it was not to be, and Trusshua was obliged to govern. Thus she asked her chancellor, the Quartengmaster, to produce a mini-budgie, which would greatly increase the wealth of the people of Bri-tain.

6. However, the mini-budgie refused to fly, and the people were exceedingly wrathful.

7. Indeed, they stayed wrathful for another eighteen months, as we shall see.

This budgie is not more. It hath ceased to be.

8. Thus it was decided that Trusshua must go. But she spake out boldly, saying "I am a fighter not a quitter."

9. And then she resigned on the next day.

10. So this time the Conservatites decided that voting on a new leader was not a good idea.

11. Besides, if they chose anyone except Rishi the Sunakite, he would destroy the lucky one with plagues of cake and budgies.

12. Thus Rishi went to see King Charlemagne, to tell him that he was the people's choice.

13. And thus he was ready to meet other world leaders too.

Bless you! I'm the people's choice too!

To be continued.

How to run a Coronation

I was (of course) invited to the Coronation of King Charles III, and so I picked up a few tips on how such events should be run. Indeed, since a Coronation is just a sort of Mass run by Anglicans with a few traditional add-ons, some of the features I observed could easily be incorporated into a Novus Ordo Mass (or, with more difficulty, the Traditional Latin Mass).

Proof that I was there!

Now, when the celebrant enters the church, it is not appropriate to have someone carrying a cross in front, as this may offend Muslims, Hindus, Anglicans, Jesuits, and anyone else who has dropped in to keep out of the rain. No, what we need is a Valkyrie with a giant sword.

"Smite ye the ungodly" (Psalm 160).

If it is a Catholic Mass you will need some special guests to give it a spiritually nourishing flavour. A man dressed as the Pope, perhaps. A ballet dancer practising Ignatian Yoga. Or this:

It's G.K. Chesterton!

An interlude - in America they have different notions of the proper procedures for a Coronation Mass. For example, the presence of a QAnon shaman is considered desirable on ecumenical grounds.

Zadok the Priest and QAnon the Shaman anointed Joe Biden KING!

Back to Westminster Abbey. The best Masses have gospel dancers singing and cavorting around but it is not strictly necessary, so we'll skip that. You may also have young people who have been dragged into church kicking and screaming - they don't want to be there, and you don't want to see them. The answer is to hide them behind a lady with a big feather on her hat.

In a minute he is going to sneeze...

Well, that's all, folks. And remember, if you have celebrated your Saturday Mass with some high-quality music, then you can always organize a Glastonbury-type concert for the tone-deaf masses the next day; this is a Sunday, and therefore need not be regarded as holy.

"You is not saved only we is saved." (Suitable for either event.)