This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 19 November 2011

We goes to a weddin

Well, as promised, Bosco got me some ointmeant for my stimgata. I was surprised dat he didnt go to de farmersea, but to de hardwear store. "You has got an acid skin, Eccles," he said, "and so if you rubs dis Cuastic Sodda into it, you will be heeled in no time." In fact, I doesnt seem to be gettin much better, but probabbly dis is just a sing of de Lord's favuor like dat Paddy Pio chap had.

De docttor have put Bosco onto a course of injectoins of silver sollution in de blood streem, dis is less paneful dan havvin bullets fired into you, and maybe his lycanthroppy is nearly under control.

Now we attended a weddin todday, and de cosstume holly man said "Is dere any just cuase or impeddiment why dis fat guy and dis uggly dame cant be joined in holly matrimoney and share de tribbulatoins of life togevver poor fools?" (I aint stuppid I knows dat he means kids.) At dat moment Bosco let out a "YOWWW!" and bit de cosstume hollyman.

Dey let de service continue once de bride had explaned dat Bosco werent nuffinn to do wiv her. Here is de preist after Bosco bit him, I dunno whevver he is still in good standin.

Cosstume wolfman

Farver Arfur came ruond to see us again, bringin de finnal proofs dat he is in fact a preist. "Look," he said, "I gotta mugg and a tea-shirt. Dese come dirrectly from de Vattican City Supermakret, where de Pop buys his red shoes. You cant get dese souvennirs unless you is reely a preist, dey has a Monsingor on de checkout till to make sure. In fact it is a morttal sin to buy dem if you aint a preist, and you gets ticked off by one of de Cradinals, dey got one wiv got specail responssibility for paperclips, souvennirs and keepin de dranes unblocked. He's called Coremack somefink."

Mugg Tea shirt

"By de way," he continued, "I has been tappin your telephonn so dat I can repeet back all de fings you has ever said. At 11 a.m. todday one of you made a telephonn call and you said 'Ullo, is dat de supermarrket could you delliver six extra bottles of gin for Anti Moly today, also we needs some Calumny Chappel dove cakes.' I is tellin you dis in order to annoy you and embarass you, as dat is what we preists sees as our saccred duty."

Well, it is a bit embarassin, frankly, as Bosco says dese cakes is reely divvine, he adores em. Dey is simply heavennly.

Calumny Cake

Bosco is finkin of goin to Farver Arfur's churhc tomorrow, to tell all de punters dat dey is servants of Baaal. Dey is destinned for de Lake of Fire, cos Jessus hasnt saved dem pussonally like Bosco and me we is saved. Dis is what de prophet Zecharriah calls "Comforttable words."


  1. Hey Eccles, is dem those fairy cakes dat bosco loves?

    Ive always thought bosscat had a thing for fairys.

    I bet he wolfs them down these days!!!

    Love- An admiror

    (Not Hilda)

  2. Dere Admiror,
    I hopes you is not mockin de saccred cakes of de Calumny Chappel. Anti Moly says dey is called Sky Fairy cakes, but we doesnt have to beleive her.
    Reggards, Eccles (saved).

  3. If dey sayz 'sky furry cakes', does that invoke Damon's law? You get funnier and funnier - how good of your bruvver to provide you wiv all this luvverly information. He's very kind - kind of odd really.

  4. Dere Anon,
    I dont fink Dammon is saved, and so Bosco and me doesnt use his law. My braney bruvver is finkin about a Bosco's law.