This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 17 November 2017

Who is the real Pope?

In these troubled times, there seem to be four possible theories about who is actually the Pope:

1. Pope Francis.
2. Pope Benedict.
3. Nobody.
4. Someone else entirely.

So it's time for an in-depth analysis. Not that you'll get one here.

Pope's empty chair

Sedevacantists see things this way.

1. Pope Francis is the obvious answer. Elected by a conclave in 2013; white smoke; goes around in white robes; sleeps in a humble broom-cupboard in the Vatican. After his private correction by Cardinal Burke, his correctio filialis by a bunch of wise men, and a telling-off from Fr Weinandy - with none of which has he publicly disagreed - he is now the most orthodox Catholic on the planet.

Of course he has a few blind spots as regards how to run the Church. Whatever made him think that Blase Cupich was worthy of doing any job more spiritual than emptying the dustbins? Does he really think we've forgotten his Anschluss with the Order of Malta? When the newspapers carried headlines ELDERLY DICTATOR UNDER HOUSE ARREST, who thought of Mugabe, and who thought of Francis? Still, otherwise he's played a blinder. Well, apart from... no, let's move on.

Benedict XVI drinking beer

Two litres of Amoris Laetitia, please!

2. Pope Benedict? Well, he was apparently forced out after undue pressure from his enemies in the Church. They kept sending him copies of the Tablet and essays by Austen Ivereigh. After such relentless persecution, who can blame him if he decided to spend more time with his beer, I mean prayer? On the other hand, it's not entirely clear that popes can resign.

Still, he says he's not the Pope, and he ought to know.

3. Nobody. There are two groups here. One is the group that believes that all popes since Vatican II (or possibly since Pius V) were invalidly elected. This viewpoint is supported by the prophecies of St Malachy, Nostradamus, and Mystic Meg.

The second group - more interesting - finds something distinctly fishy in the story of the 2013 conclave, where, thanks to the St Gallen Mafia, or Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, or British intelligence, or perhaps Batman's arch-nemesis the Joker, some skulduggery took place. In which case the cardinals need to go back into the Sistine Chapel and try again. Good luck with that one.

Jabba and Soros

The Soros twins.

4. Someone else was secretly elected by the conclave in 2013. Pope Francis is merely a "stunt pope" who does all the dangerous things like driving the Popemobile at high speed, flying in aeroplanes, and making the odd speech, indeed very odd speech. Somewhere in the background is an Eminence Grise who is pulling the strings. This may be:

i) George Soros, who appears to have a finger in every disreputable pie;
ii) Vladimir Putin, who is blamed for everything;
iii) The Habsburgs, who seem to be making a come-back;
iv) Richard Branson, who seems to be everywhere (except that I have never seen him on one of his delayed trains).

Alternatively, Douglas Adams suggested that the man who rules the Universe sits in a shack somewhere, with no companions except his cat. Well, he was nearly right: it's actually the Catholic Church that he rules.


Or could this saved person be the power behind the throne?


  1. 5. Our Holy Father, sweet Jesus on earth, could lose the papacy due to heresy, but so far all of his teaching is non magisterial. So we're waiting for Francis to make a clear statement to declare him a heretic. "I am a heretic" should do if declared with a magisterial intention. Otherwise it doesn't count.

    1. Soros is pulling the strings of Jorge Bergolio. I think Jorge is a heretic, and has set about a climate of fear destroying the faithful. There is a hidden part of the 3rd secret of Faitima. Jorge is the minion of the devil. The Church will ultimately win, but at what cost to how many millions of lost souls will Jorge bring down. Jorge is at the gates of hell.

    2. I agree with you, gemoftheocean,

      So your advice to Francis and followers is much as that given to the Cowardly Lion on a signpost before entering the Haunted Forest:

      "I'd turn back if I were you!"

  2. Does it really matter whether or not Bergoglio is the real deal or an 'Anti Pope' as people argue? As I've said previously, he is STILL sitting in the Chair of Peter and burning the Church of Christ to the ground. Doesn't matter WHO he is, the main goal (I would say) is to GET HIM OUT OF THERE! But it will take divine intervention for all of this to happen. Christ will 'reform' His Church alright, but I'm telling you, it's not going to be pretty.

  3. I dunno Eccles, so I googled "Who is the Pope" and got 212,000,000 results.

  4. I'm not sure Bergoglio is Pope, but I am sure that Ratzinger is not Pope. At least, not because of the wording of his resignation. He said he was resigning "in such a way that the See will be vacant." BY DEFINITION, if the See of Rome is vacant, there is no Pope, because the Pope, by definition, is the Bishop of Rome.

    Ratzinger should have reverted to the title of Cardinal, stopped wearing white, and moved back to Germany. The best theory I've seen is that he is incapable of facing the truth that he DID flee for fear of the wolves.

    If Ratzinger IS Pope, it's because his resignation was coerced.

  5. Let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, that the next pope turns out to be Eccles’s old friend Reinhard “Rhino” Marx. When we then look back on the Bergoglio pontificate, will we see it as:

    (a) The good old days
    (b) The bad old days
    (c) Not quite as bad as Rhino
    (d) Even worse than Rhino
    (e) Not quite as good as Rhino
    (f) Even better than Rhino
    (g) Jorge who?
    (h) None of the above

    Answers on a postcard, please, addressed to:
    Bosco Cardinal Neccles
    Westminster Cathedral
    42 Francis St,
    London SW1P 1QW

  6. Dammit, Papa Jabba I -- I've been rumbled, sweet Eccles, now on your knees and 17 Hail Maries ...

    1. Good grief Julian! Are you still contributing to this nonsense? I've written some very interesting stuff about Benidorm and donkeys and you disappear completely to make inane comments about Catholicism. A bit bizarre, if you ask me.

  7. Pope Benedict is my all time hero. I converted to the faith after his 2010 state visit. He lead me to the Lord. I miss him so much. But he deserves his retirement. I'd rather think of him in his slippers drinking a frosty pint and praying for us all. He's a living saint.

    1. Well said, Rachel. I too was led to my conversion via Pope Benedict; it pains/saddens/horrifies me to think that, had my enquiry into the Catholic faith been displaced by 10 years, I probably wouldn't have joined the Church.

  8. I'm not sure about anyone else, but I get a kick out of those mischievous Soros Twins. Always up to some world-shattering prank or another! Probably because they're nearly identical, it is hard to tell who is the cutest! Just makes one want to pinch those chubby little...folds....or whatever.

    1. It’s not so hard to tell them apart. George is the one wearing shoes.