This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 7 January 2019

The World Cup of Bad Cardinals - the runners

I don't know, I turn on the phone each morning to see what spiritual nourishment the world has to offer me, and every day there's another cardinal disgracing himself. If it isn't Dolan cosying up to Joe Biden, or Napier praising Occasional-Cortex, the pro-abortion dancer with the part-time brain cells, it's Rhino Marx bleating about a change in sexual morality.

Rhino Marx

The forgotten Marx brother.

So, after hitting my head against the wall seven times (Biblical), I decided that the only way for us saved laymen to express our disgust was to run a World Cup of Bad Cardinals.

Now, the World Cup of Bad Hymns was a great success, except that Marty Haugen still hasn't got in touch to thank me for his silver medal. We won't have 64 entrants this time, just a maximum of 32, so we should get through the tournament more quickly. Remember that 1 in 12 of the Disciples was unsaved, and my estimate is that we'll find a similar proportion of the 200+ cardinals in the same position.

Obviously, I'm excluding Pope Francis, out of respect for the office he bears, and let's leave McCarrick to rot in his beach house - he resigned from the College of Cardinals, anyway - but there are plenty more to choose from. Living ones only, though.

McCarrick and chums

"I think we've got this one sewn up!"

Update: these are the 32 fine cardinals who will be competing. Some lesser-known villains were eliminated by lottery, but I think all the superstars are present.

Baldisseri, Becciu, Bertone, Braz de Aviz, Coccopalmerio, Cupich, Danneels, De Kesel, Dew, Dolan, Dziwisz, Errázuriz, Ezzati, Farrell, Gracias, Kasper, Ladaria, Mahony, Maradiaga, Marx, Napier, Nichols, Ouellet, Parolin, Ravasi, Schönborn, Sodano, Tagle, Ticona Porco, Tobin, Woelki, Wuerl.

Yes, yes, I know, this is a highly offensive ad hominem attack on the Princes of the Church, but, in the words of Terry-Thomas:

Terry-Thomas

"You're an absolute shower!"

Oh, and thanks to @Rach_StBern, who "borrowed" it from Fountains Abbey, we even have a prize to hang round the neck of the winning cardinal.

May the worst man win!

37 comments:

  1. Easier to list the GOOD ones: Vigano, Burke, Schneider.

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    Replies
    1. Only Burke is a cardinal, though, and the others won't get promoted while Francis is in charge. You forgot Sarah too.

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    2. Vigano, Burke, Schneider and Sarah...all good men...of the Second Vatican Council. Have any of them rejected the Modernist teachings of the Council? No, they haven't, and Burke says 'go to Mass' when asked which one.

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  2. Eccles, you sick little monkey, are you still hiding behind your moderation? You chicken thief....you have no guts.

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, brother, your comment confessing all the perversions that you get up to at the Calumny Chapel was too offensive to let through.

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    2. My superb comment was too offensive for who? Since when did you become a delicate little prairie flower? You are spineless as a jellyfish. Oh wait, I think I just insulted all the jellyfish in the world. Maybe I should apologize to all the jelly fish that I offended.

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  3. In a world where mere hetrodoxy reigned supreme, one man rise above it all and strode the world like an enormous colossus of apostasy, destroying rabbit holes and confusing Italians for Latinos wherever he went. His name: Cupich.

    My satire mojo is weak. It doesn't do him justice.

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    Replies
    1. Cupich is my number one pick....or maybe he ties with Wuerl, Dolan, Toban ....oh what the heck....might as well lump all the apostates into one.

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    2. Yes. This is really difficult. Cupich immediately came to mind but then I chose to vote for another. I could easily have voted for 5 or 6. Andrew, your satire was fine.

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  4. Well, somebody I know (my grandmother maybe?) had the name Tobin, and therefore I am disgusted to nominate our friend, 'night-night baby' Tobin (no relation I hope). And I would not have shamed my grandmother by posting this if she were still alive.

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  5. I too vote for Blase Cupich

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  6. Oswald Gracias of Bombay / Mumbai should be on the list of abominables, for various reasons explained here:

    https://ephesians511blog.com/2017/10/20/a-third-priest-arrested-for-sodomy-on-cardinal-oswald-gracias-watch/
    and elsewhere.

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  7. Parolin first. Maraidaiga second. everyone else stacked up for third.

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  8. Cupich is currently the head of the snake so he deserves the top award. Even before he was promoted though, he had an impressive resume: like when he forbade The Mass in his former diocese and locked the Trads out of their church for pure spite. As for second place, I’ll nominate that laughing buffoon in New York. This guy is a politician, not a priest. We should never forget how he attended - with praise - that blasphemous fashion show at the Met Museum last year. Or, how he ignored the faithful and not only invited the most pro-abortion president in US history to the Alfred Smith dinner, but yukked it up with him like they were BFFs. My contrast, Mother Theresa lectured the Clintons for their pro-abortion stance when she visited the US. In third place, it’s a tie between all the rest who despise The Mass, discourage/restrict it and are probably active or wanna-be sodomites.

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  9. I vote for Cocopalmeiro, followed by Rodriguez Maradiaga

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    Replies
    1. Yes, Cocopalmerio was a name that grabbed me too.

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  10. Maradiaga/Cupich tag team seems most worthy of first place, as it sppears they're the pope's own choice of who to turn to when he needs heterodox theological/pastoral advice to further his agenda.

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  11. All of 'em that should be in hiding, but ain't.

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  12. Please be clear that you are listing Bishop Tobin in New Jersey. The Bishop in Providence, Rhode Island, Bishop Thomas Tobin does should not be included in this list.

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    Replies
    1. This is Joe "Nighty-night" Tobin. The other isn't a cardinal.

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  13. I find it hard to look beyond +Maradiaga. It seemed to escape notice in all the furore surrounding the McCarrick resignation that +Maradiaga's protegé, Bishop Pineda Fasquelle, quietly took one for the team, letting +Maradiaga off the hook for the allegations in the open letter from his seminarians, as well as for serial financial dodginess. It also spared the HF an inpalatable decision.

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  14. This has the makings of a very competitive World Cup, with several candidates having the potential to triumph. Nevertheless, I think certain Germanic Cardinals are being underestimated, particularly the two-pronged strike-force of the Marxist one and that other chap, Kasper, whom I foresee ghosting in for the winner. There could be an Anschluss with that Schonburn fellow as well, to leave us with three prongs, which reminds me of someone else...

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  15. I think it is perhaps a little harsh to include +Woelki - it was he who kicked up such a fuss when his brother bishops wanted to start distributing (officially) Holy Communion to the Prods.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, someone else on Twitter said he shouldn't be in the list. I expect he will be eliminated quite quickly.

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  16. Cupich, Wuerl and Coco. I can vote for 3 in a preliminary round, can't I?

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  17. I forgot about Kasper and Marx. They will probably split those who don't like German bishops who would break up the Universal Church into something resembling the Orthodox national churches.

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  18. I wasn't sure that Ticono Porco was really a cardinal until I went to look him up. Then noted his former prelatial see, Corocoro, and remembered thinking that Pope John Paul must have been having a bad day when that happened.

    Are all the others still eligible to vote in the Conclave? but I must go create a guide to form. H will be for heretical position, T for having landed in civil court, C for criminal court, R for concubine, and so on and so forth. Will count sees, bankruptcies of sees, ordinations, etc.

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  19. Bruvver Eccles, you have dealt us such a good hand that it's difficult to discard anyone,since no one in this pack of 'cards' seems to be playing with a full deck.

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  20. Card. CuccoPalmerrio's outrunning of Gendarmerie at his Vatican drugs bust has inspired confidence in his agility, if not his ability.

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  21. So many bad cards... but I must go with Soupy Cupich bc he is the current point man for this apparent pope. According to Steve Brady of Chicago Catholic Faithful, Chicago has been a major Capone-style conduit of $lush funds & apostasy since the days of Bernadin (Not to diminish McCarrick and his Oscar for best actor in 'The Postman Rings Twice With White Envelopes' but he's not in the running for the World Cup)

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  22. You're more than welcome for the trophy, dear Bruvver. I had a heck of a time sneaking it out of Fountains Abbey in my ruck sack. The lovely National Trust ladies did narf give me some funny looks on the way out. But I do think it will be a fitting prize for the winner, lest he repent of his wicked ways!

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  23. A number of questions arise. Is this to be a handicap race? I mean obviously some runners are weightier than others? Will there be betting even if the jockey in the rainbow colours rides the certain winner? Will stalls be used at the start or just a Franciscan cord? Will whips be allowed?

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