This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday 31 October 2020

Learning to Prey - a guide for everyone

Already they're calling the Book of the Century - Fr James "Jimbo" Martin LGBTQSJ has another blockbuster in press. You can tell the quality of it by the celebrity endorsements on the cover:

Learning to prey

Blase Cupich, world's worst cardinal, and avoider of rabbit holes that may contain awkward rabbits: This should be the ideal handbook for anyone wishing to influence vulnerable people. They may have been brought up as Catholics, but their gut feeling is for the "Seamless Trousers" approach to the faith: you can't be pro-life unless you support the venerable Joseph Biden and the blessed Kamala Harris. We need to encourage this version of Catholicism.

Bishop Barron

Mr Muscle joins in.

Robert Barron, body-builder, part-time bishop, "Word on Fire" managing director, and friend of Uncle Wilt Gregory: The book takes a very sensitive approach to the formation of LGBT Catholics. Many teenagers wonder whether they are really heterosexual: indeed, seeing photos of Alexandra Occasional-Cortex flashing her teeth can put young boys off women for life. Fr Jim knows that these boys should be encouraged to "come out" as Jesuits. But "preying" isn't the right word, I prefer "encouraging young people to recognise their tendency to do whatever they want, and accept it as something to celebrate."

But no endorsement from Joe Tobin? What went wrong?

We have not yet read the book, but we do hope that Fr James will explain how to persuade people to accept reinterpretations of scripture. It's scandalous that vulnerable Catholics should rely on old-fashioned readings of the Bible as handed down by the Church for 2000 years. What they need is a nice friendly uncle to sit down with them and explain that the Bible means something entirely different in the 21st Century. I'm hoping to get some tips on this - when I knock on doors offering to tell people about how Jesus learned his job from a Canaanite woman and entrusted the Church to Mary Magdalene, they just throw rotten fruit at me.

Martin tweet

Would it help if I dressed up as a sexy priest?


  1. Replies
    1. NOT, presumably, meaning 'like Hilary' (Or Hillary) - who as President would have been less than hilary-ous for American babies trying to make it into the world. Now if only they had votes!

  2. Well when a good strapping body builder with a crew cut refers to some delicately effeminate rainbow Alphabet person using the "winsome", surely there's nothing at all suspect about said Bish... er, body builder is there ?

  3. I am in tears... Trying not to laugh very loud! Dear friar Jim at the Met Gala, who would have thought? After all that preferential option for the poor peptalk only applies if and when convenient... How mean of me, of course he discerned deeply and God told him to go to party, he should go, he absolutely had to go.