This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 31 July 2022

A successful week for Pope Francis

As Pope Francis keeps telling us, he is an old man, and starting to slow down. He hasn't slapped a pilgrim for several weeks, nor personally insulted a cardinal for a month or two. So it is with great pleasure that we can list some of the achievements of his recent trip to Canada.


Confined to a wheelchair but still in control!

1. Idolatory. Pachamama is so 2019, and a go-ahead pope who wants to troll the Catholic Church has got to find a new object of pagan worship. So we are delighted to welcome the Western grandmother, invoked in a "smudging ritual", in which noxious smoke is wafted round the room. Whether she will catch on with Francis-Catholics (now mainly Ivereigh, Lamb, Faggioli and Spadaro) is unclear, but here's Granny!

Western Grandmother

2. Fake confessions. Who are we to judge, but it may be thought that most Catholics - even the pope - have enough sins of their own to confess without confessing other people's. But no, in a brilliant innovation, Pope Francis has apologised to the Canadians, expressing deep shame and sorrow for various abuses that may or may not have taken place. Well, it certainly stopped anyone from asking embarrassing questions about Gussie Zanchetta!

pope and Zanchetta

"Don't worry, Gus, some future pope can apologise for us!"

3. A ritual kick at traditional Catholics. They just won't go away, will they, Francis? That TRADGON deodorant that Arthur Roche bought you doesn't seem to be working. A few bishops share your vindictive attitude to people who are used to the older forms of worship, but most are still ignoring you and hoping that the men in white coats will soon cart you off to the loony bin. Meanwhile, however, carry on insulting! Today's new one is BACKWARDIST. A good one, eh? When your popemobile is rushing down the hill towards a chasm, it's the backwardist who tries to stop it. Austen Ivereigh thinks it's brilliant!


4. Evolution of doctrine. As Pope Francis keeps stressing, doctrine evolves. What was a sin in the 1960s (or even the 1st century) may no longer be a sin! Conversely, there are new sins, such as advertising a Latin Mass in your parish bulletin, which earlier popes would have thought hilarious. Watch out, Humanae Vitae, we're gunning for you!

Paul VI

A nasty rigid backwardist pope! Which idiot canonized him? Oh...


  1. Well doctrine has appeared to change in respect to usury

    1. Only because we forgot the teaching. A man who went by ZippyCatholic (RIP) sorted it all out quite impressively.

    2. Is that the best you can do?

    3. We all knows dat de corps of doctrin is just a bundle of suggestions.

  2. Tradition is Permanent Revolution.

    Christianity is to pray for demons.

    The Social Doctrine of the Church is The Communist Manifesto.

    Aren't these things obvious yet ?

    If not, then become a Pope-Francis utramontanist, and then you can understand them too !!

  3. Replies
    1. This "pope(??)" makes me sick!!

  4. 'Carry on insulting' - that would make a good film!

  5. Irene Ryan is western grandma. She was eastern grandma but then they loaded up the truck and moved to beverly... hills that is!

    1. Come & listen to my story 'bout a bish named Zed
      Poor Argentine barely kept to his own bed
      And then one day he was acting pretty crude
      When up from the ground bubbled Jorge dude

      Well, first thing you know ole Zed's a millionaire
      Kinfolk said, Zed-chetta, move away from here
      Said Santa Marta is the place you oughta be
      So he loaded up his stash & moved to Holy See

      Seven Hills, that is...swimmin' pools, movie stars
      The Vatican Hillbillies!