A crisis in the Vatican!
Gänswein: Holy Emeritus Father, we're in a mess here. The other Holy Father is seething with rage at your book with Cardinal Sarah. He's already slapped six pilgrims today, and he's wearing boxing gloves for his audience this morning. He says Pachamama is very angry!
Benedict: But what did we do? The book simply restates traditional Catholic teaching. Oh... I see the problem...
Gänswein: The attack poodles have been deployed. The big hitters such as Ivereigh, Beans (he's been tweeting non-stop for 48 hours, having injections of gelato to keep him going), Mickens, ... not to mention the small hitters such as Rich Raho the dunce of the class.
"Look, it's only Rosica who takes credit for other people's work."
Benedict: What does Sarah say?
Gänswein: What can he say? He wrote some of the book, you wrote some of the book. This is what we technically call a joint work. But the Fat Controller wants you to say that Sarah was the author, and all you did was wake up and nod occasionally as he read the book out.
Benedict: Ask the guys at Ignatius Press what really happened.
Gänswein: We did. They used Ignatian discernment (following a spot of Ignatian yoga) to determine that you really are one of the authors.
"The Ignatius Press is one of my favourite yoga positions," says papal aide-de-camp Fr Jim.
Benedict: Look, I don't care. I don't need the fame or the royalties. Imagine having to do a book tour like poor Ivereigh, where only two children and a dog turn up to each lecture, and the dog won't stop howling. I'll take my name off it, on one condition.
Gänswein: Anything...
Benedict: Tell Francis to take his name off Amoris Laetitia. It could be labelled, "By Lorenzo Baldisseri in discussion with Pope Francis."
Gänswein: That could be the deal we're looking for!
