When Francis met George

We are lucky to have overheard some of the conversation between Cardinal Pell and Pope Francis on the occasion of the big man's recent visit to the Vatican.

Francis: How nice to see you, George. I've been going through some hard times recently: you really can't imagine how bad things have been.

"Nobody knows the troubles I've seen, George."

Pell: I'm so sorry, Holy Father. They say you've suffered a lot lately.

Francis: Yes, I was locked down in the Vatican for several months, and forbidden to take any flights abroad. My Pachamama dolls were confiscated and thrown in the river. Even Austen Ivereigh was forbidden to visit.

Pell: Ah well, every cloud has a silver lining. Still, it must be hard to bear isolation for a long period of time.

Francis: What's worse, people have been making up so many lies about me! You can't imagine what it's like having people hurling insults at you on a daily basis!

Pell: Still, it must have been a comfort to know that people were praying for you to leave the Vatican.

Francis: Maybe, but what can one do when hack journalists are writing books with titles like "The Rise and Fall of Pope Francis" and "Fallen: the inside story of the trial and conviction of Pope Francis"? I don't even have any convictions!

Just take the money and run, Louise.

Pell: So I've heard. Yes, it must be tough. Still prayer can be a great comfort.

Francis: Prayer? I never thought of that. I spent the whole time writing my memoirs. And it does look as though I am going to have a new best-seller on my hands. I've called it Fratelli Tutti.

Pell: Great, pulp fiction always sells well! Now, about your bank account...