This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 5 January 2013

Ordain a Lady!

Dr Who scarf

Dr Who scarf Stole and purple chasuble: that'll annoy the traddies!

We asked some distinguished commentators to give us their views on the hilarious video Ordain a Lady! produced by the Women's Ordination Conference.

For those who missed it, it contains the strongest arguments for the ordination of women, that we've heard so far, including the self-effacing:

Don't listen to St Paul,
'Cuz I can lead the way.

Father Z

Father Zorro, priest and hero.

The picture of the women dancing contains so many liturgical abuses that I won't bother to list them, but I should point out that the lady at the front is improperly dressed for Mass (apart from omitting the biretta and wearing a stole above her chasuble) since she is clearly not carrying any concealed weapons. Where did she put her swordstick, her automatic pistol, and her hand grenades?

At this time many priests in good standing (i.e., not liberal ones) will now be ordering fresh supplies of land mines, tanks and atomic bazookas for use in the rite according to the Extraordinary Form. Could you please order them from Amazon via my website? Thanks.

Pope Mommy I

Pope Mommy I.

My ministry is growing.
Excommunication? I'm still glowing.
M.Div, chasuble flowing,
Where you think the Church is going?
Damian Thompson

Damian Thompson, blood-crazed ferret.

We should respect the lady above because she has a real M.Div. rather than a silly doctorate like Éoin Clarke (Doctor of Irish Jokes) or Richard Chartres (who doesn't really have a doctorate at all). However, the inside sources to which I have exclusive access suggest that Archbishop Vincent Nichols is unlikely to ordain her in the near future.

Possibly the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith has had a hand in this. Look how the fortnightly Soho "Gay Masses" are to be driven underground and replaced by weekly Mayfair Gay Masses. If Vincent Nichols cracks down much further expect them to be driven underground completely, surviving only as daily Gay Masses at the Oratory.

Do let me know what you think. Unless you are on my little list of enemies, when my moderators will delete your comments in double-quick time!

Paul Priest

Paul Priest, On the side of the angels.

Look, we all know what Chesterton, Newman, Dostoyevsky, Pope Pius XI and Mae West had to say about the hermeneutics underlying this video. However, there's no need for me to quote their words, as nobody else round here would understand them except me. It's important not to place two antagonistic hypotheticals together into one paradigm. Remember that if it were not for Damian Thompson, the Catholic church would have collapsed, for it was Damian who single-handedly prevented Cormac Murphy-O'Connor from ordaining his own aunt.


Through my most grievous fault...

My call is a fact, but some Pope in a hat,
Closed discussion on that, and now he's in my way.
Deacon Moanin

Deacon Moanin, the most miserable man on the Internet (in biretta).

I wear a hat, and I am in the same job as the Pope, so I know you're getting at me again, Eccles, just because I am an orthodox Catholic, and not a tradinista like you.

Giles Fraser, comedy vicar.

I am quite prepared to go to prison on the issue of women priests. Or anything else. It will do wonders for my credibility with Guardian-readers. Please send me to prison. All I ask is a humble cell with internet access and a BBC broadcast team. In my next Guardian column I ask: Is it OK for women to pretend they are men in order to become bishops?

And finally...

Catherine Pepinster

A young Catherine Pepinster (R) explains St Thérèse of Lisieux's hatred for the Pope.


  1. Pepinster - what a hottie!

  2. Somewhat recklessly I followed your link to the 'Ordain a Lady' video and enjoyed a really good laugh. Hoping for more of this amusement I checked the other videos, but was bitterly disappointed: it seems the Women's Ordination Conference has produced only the one comedy video. If only it would stick to what it does well: self-parody and giving good Catholics a laugh.

    Keep up the good work!

  3. Oh! I thought it was a parody.

  4. Do nice cuddly traddy bears wot are very kind laugh every time Wimmin Priests are mentioned or .... chortle, chortle... gayz wot attend fluffy pink Mass? What happens when lesbo priestess in dungarees with a spanner in hand turns up at LMS HQ brandishing her weapon. Do they all laugh and roll around on't floor, allowing a an amazonian conquest?

  5. Didn't deese wacky wimmin eber hear ub de Sistine Ceiling?

  6. Where did you get that lifelike bust of Paul Priest?

    1. Dere are statues of him all over Corby.

  7. "Don't listen to St Paul,
    'Cuz I can lead the way."

    You go girl.
    And I'm certain you're willing to be martyred for your beliefs too...

  8. Yikes! This is what an M. Div. produces…? Must have been a correspondence course and some of the correspondence got lost in the mail. Gals, I think you should ask for your money back.

    God used the phone to ‘call’ you? How very trad! I’m sure that today He would use an iPad or…maybe an iGod, iGad or…


  9. The lady preist wouldn't need a swordstick if they had a LADY BISHOPESS WIF A CROZIER. They ought to be tryyin to sign up lady bishopesses if they want real littergical refirms. M Div stand for Mistress of Divfense, dunnit?

    1. In Stockport, a div is a term of abuse derived from divot (sod) of earth.

  10. This sacrilegious rubbish has had an amazing 72,460 views since it was issued on New Year's Eve!

    I'm more interested in the ruined church in the background - any idea where it is? Can't identify it.

  11. St Thomas' Episcopal Church Washington DC, according to Fr Z.

  12. My my I do take up a lot of your energy, I obviously inspire you.

    Shame I don't inspire you to stop hiding behind this cowardly, faceless, nameless blog and twitter feed and act as if you have a spine. Scared something might splinter?

    As your nana would say "it's not right so it's not"

    1. I is humbled dat a trully holly man shuold diegn to comment here.

    2. And a costume holly man at dat

    3. A costume holly man who chooses his words with great care too. Very spiritauly uplifting.

  13. This is a sick thing. It is both you Roman Catholic degenerates; perverting our Protestant institutions, and the secular-humanist agenda within.

  14. It's a good tune and there is a catchy dance bit - but it doesn't have the same appeal as Psy and Gangnam Style!

  15. the saintly man padre PIO said..some other words for the devil are "I" "ME" "MINE" "MY"..i noticed the lyrics mention the pope is in "MY" way...and "I" can lead the way..sounds like spiritual pride and gluttony in action...but then if these emancipated wimmens are hearing God's voice..quite possibly schizophreniform is in order with a dash of hyper-manic affect hence the dancing...i must admit the video was disconcerting