The refugee Pope

A Christmas appeal.

At this time of year, our thoughts naturally turn to the plight of refugees, and I want to highlight the case of Jorge, an Argentinian priest.

Jorge fled to Italy about six years ago, changed his name to Francis to evade the Argentinian Secret Service, TANGO, and has since been unable to go home. If he returns to Argentina, he is likely to be arrested and asked all sorts of embarrassing questions about his activities there. So he has been working in Rome, in an administrative job that is clearly beyond him, waiting for the day when he will be able to return home.

Jorge (masked for his own protection).

Jorge's religion is a simple Pachamama-based worship, as is usual for the indigenous people of South America. However, he has been under severe pressure to adopt the right-wing imperialistic colonialist fascist Catholic religion, as founded by that not-very-Socialist man Christ, who is styled the "King" by his followers, rather than a humble "Comrade" or "Citizen Jesus".

Pachamama bishops refuse Communion as they don't believe in it.

Jorge wants nothing more to live a humble lifestyle, perhaps taking aeroplane trips once a month to destinations worldwide (not Argentina!), being addressed as "Holy Father", and worshipping in his own unique manner, making up doctrine whenever he feels like it. Is it too much to ask for your support here?

Cardinal Pell accused of witchcraft

See also The Crimes of Cardinal Pell and the Case against Cardinal Pell.

Following the conviction of Cardinal Pell on the basis of totally unbelievable testimony, the Victorian Kangaroo Court of Appeal has confirmed the verdict by a majority of 2 to 1; that is, Anne Ferguson and Chris Maxwell believed him guilty "beyond all reasonable doubt", while Mark Weinberg disagreed, writing a mere 200 pages expressing one or two reasonable doubts.

Spot the man with the functioning brain (R)

The arguments of Ferguson and Maxwell, if accepted, actually imply that Cardinal Pell was guilty of practising witchcraft, or possibly miracles (useful when his cause for canonization comes up).

* Your Eminence, you are accused of bilocation, in that your corporal body was standing outside the cathedral talking to dozens of people, at the same time as it was in the sacristy.

* Cardinal Pell, you are accused of bewitching your vestments, so that you could expose yourself under several layers of heavy clothing, while at the same time attacking your victim.

* Pell, you must have been aided by demons, as the above could only have been managed by someone with four hands.

* Pell, you rotter, you cast a forgetfulness spell, so that the victim did not remember anything of the event until 20 years later, and could not even remember when the events happened, and thereby made it impossible for you to call witnesses to prove that nothing happened.

A key witness against Cardinal Pell. Oh, sorry, there weren't any.

* Pell, you complete and utter swine, your real offence is that you are a Catholic, and speak out against same-sex marriage and abortion, which are the pillars of Australian society.

* Pell, you will be damned eternally, because you noticed that the Vatican Bank had been up to some extremely dodgy transactions. Don't expect Pope Francis to help you, therefore!

With all this in mind, we indict Pell on charges of witchcraft, and sentence him to be burnt at the stake.

And this is the reasoned verdict of us, Mad Annie and Bonkers Chris. WEINBERG, WILL YOU SHUT UP?

Phew, Annie, I think we got away with it. Fancy a few tinnies to celebrate?