Explosive device found in Amoris Laetitia was left by security company

Catholics expressed their anger last night when it was revealed that an explosive footnote found in the Amoris Laetitia area had been left behind by Papal Solutions Ltd, the company charged with ensuring the security of the Catholic Church.

Apparently, it had been put there during a security exercise - as a test to the faithful - but never removed. Indeed, Pope Francis, the Managing Director of Papal Solutions Ltd, claimed to have forgotten all about the footnote.

Doing a security check.

As a result of the discovery, the Armageddon League Game between Catholics United and Kasper Wanderers had to be abandoned. In the words of some expert commentators, "This is a bit of a bombshell," although others tried to reassure the public that business could go on as usual.

Efforts are now underway to remove the explosive footnote. Indeed, some people, anxious for the security of Catholics United, are demanding that the whole of Amoris Laetitia be demolished, in case it contains other significant dangers.

Catholic Church's exciting Number 11 shirt. And some man or other.

Devilodge bans the Gideon Bible

The hotel chain Devilodge has announced that it will be removing the Gideon Bibles supplied to its guest rooms, "in order not to discriminate against any religion".

Too discriminatory for Devilodge.

It is thought that they originally planned to replace them with copies of the secularists' Guardian Bible, written by Laurie Penny, Owen Jones, Giles Fraser and Simon Jenkins, but, thanks to the good folk at Scarfolk Council, we have come across some other books that will replace the Gideon Bible.

Muslims can of course ask for the Koran, but here is an alternative that can be requested by ticking the appropriate box when you book online.

For the more militant traveller.

Satanists, too, are welcomed at Devilodge, and here is a book for them.

A good read.

Finally, with Calvary-Chapel types, such as my brother Bosco, in mind, here is something for the Evangelical Christian.

Getting ready for the big day.

Thanks again to Scarfolk Council for some brilliant ideas.

The dark side of Catholic Voices

What is this sinister organization known only as Catholic Voices - is it linked to the Freemasons, Opus Dei, Mafia or the North Korean government? In a special guest post, Damian Thompson expresses his concerns.

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The Faceless Kathleen Griffin (official CV portrait).

Whenever the media wish to hear the views of a Catholic on one of the major religious issues of our day - for example, the election of Pope Francis, the government's attempts to redefine marriage, or whether coleslaw is so called because it resembles the inane witterings of the Rev. Richard Coles - you can be sure that Catholic Voices will worm its way onto the airwaves.

A sinister albino monk - is he the power behind Catholic Voices?

Oh, they wouldn't let me join, would they? They said I had a squeaky voice and couldn't be relied on not to storm out of the studio if challenged by Peter Hitchens. Wasn't it simply that they were scared that, if they taught me the funny handshake and the secret passwords, I could expose them to the world?

Austen "Ronnie Corbett" Ivereigh - told me to grow up.

Look at the people involved: Jack Valero (Opus Dei), Caroline Farrow (mother of 12, and bullying commentator on my blog), Peter Williams (Right to Life), ... well, the list speaks for itself. Then look at how they are funded - by donations from individuals and organizations. That's very mysterious, don't you think?

Robert Mugabe - a prominent Catholic. Does he donate to CV?

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Paul Priest, Archbishop of Corby, adds his own concerns.

Brilliant article, Damian! Have you noticed that many of the Catholic Voices people are converts? This means that, say ten years ago, they may have been atheists, Muslims, Satanic fire-worshippers... who knows what? Do we really want Satanic fire-worshippers speaking out for the Catholic church?

On the side of the angels...

What's more they promote the time-bomb of Vatican II-type liturgical/doctrinal/moral Vichyist revisionism. Trust me, I know an ontological paradigm shift when I see it - we were warned about them in the encyclicals of Pope Benedict XVI, which I've read from cover to cover, not to mention the complete works of Dan Brown.

Piero Marini presents Pope Benedict XVI with a liturgical/doctrinal/moral time-bomb.

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So there we have it. Be afraid... be very afraid. These faceless anonymous secretive people, who are never off your television screens, are clearly hiding something very sinister.