A lucky escape for Pope Francis

Pope Francis today declared himself "delighted" that the Nobel Peace Prize had been awarded to Malala Yousafzai and Kailash Statyarthi, rather than to himself. For several months he had been hotly tipped to become a Nobel Laureate, following in the steps of such peaceful people and organizations as Barack Obama, the EU, Al Gore, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, Jimmy Carter, Yasser Arafat, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Henry Kissinger, Le Duc Tho, Pope St John-Paul II, Stephen Fry, The BBC, First Great Western Trains, Ryanair, Gerry Adams, Nicholas Parsons, and Adolf Hitler. But in the end he escaped.

Pope Francis puts a brave face on his disappointment.

Said a spokesman, "Pope Francis has made heroic efforts to broker peace in the Catholic Church between the Tabletistas and the Catholic Herald People's Front (and their sister organizations in Rome, the Kasperites and the CDF), even to the extent of calling a special synod so that weirdos and misfits of every description could have their say. It would have been sheer cruelty to have awarded him the Nobel Peace Prize, which, with the exception of Bl. Mother Teresa, is generally reserved for politicians and lunatics; it's definitely not intended for people who are pro-life, or in favour of traditional ideas of marriage! Nobel was Swedish, you know - the country of 'free love' and all that..."

Barack Obama, Golfer, Nobel Laureate, and not much else.

Commentators have also observed that, if Pope Francis had been given the Nobel Peace Prize, then he would have felt obliged to reciprocate by canonizing Alfred Nobel, who was the inventor of dynamite and an arms manufacturer (he owned Bofors). Some Catholic commentators feel that this might be a step too far, especially since no miracles are yet attributed to St Alfred, beyond that of regularly turning bozos into international treasures by awarding them prizes.

They don't like it up 'em! A Bofors cannon keeps the peace.

However, as we have reported elsewhere on this blog, the 2013 Nobel Prize for Physics was awarded to God, for His "God Particle", and pious Catholic Louise Mensch, author of "She gave up Corby for love" shared the 2012 Nobel Prize for Literature. So it's only Peace that has eluded the Catholic Church.