This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 25 July 2018

"I've never even heard of McCarrick" says Cardinal Farrell

Today, in a new statement to journalist Cindy Wooden ("Wooden by name, wooden by nature"), Cardinal Kevin Farrell announced, "I've never even heard of Cardinal McCarrick."

"But you lived with him for six years. Er, not in the 'Biblical' sense, of course..."

"No, it's all lies. I may technically have been ordained by him, but I really don't remember him. I was too busy trying to look holy."

Looking holy.

"Isn't that a Father Ted joke?"

"Look, I never met Father Ted. Or Uncle Ted."

"But you served as his auxiliary bishop."

"Did I really? That seems very improbable."

"You have no memory of Uncle Ted at all?"

"No, you know how is it when you're a priest, you get to meet all sorts of people, even your own bishop, but you can't be expected to remember names and faces."

"So when Cardinal McCarrick was having carnal relations with half of the young men in Washington, you were totally unware of what was going on?"

"That's right. I never heard any gossip. Or mysterious screams in the night. Or complaints."

"Thank you, Cardinal Farrell, I'm so glad we've cleared that up."

"Can we talk about my new discovery that priests have no credibility? Anything to change the subject..."

"So you've never met Cardinal Farrell, Holy Father?"


  1. Thanks for the morning chuckle...We can always count on you
    to help lighten us up a tad. :)

  2. Cardinal O'Malley appears to have forgotten 'Uncle Ted' too. He must be an extremely forgettable person. Cardinal Madariaga believes that Ted is a mythical creature invented by the Jews to torment him and all the other poor, pious, honest prelates in the world. I think that this is the probable explanation. Do you think that other cardinals could be 'wished away' into non-existence? I have a name in mind.

  3. "Did I really? That seems very improbable." Priceless.

  4. Well to be fair the lighting was poor...

  5. This really cracked me up. Somehow I missed you had a blog so I'm paging down.... HA HA HA HA