This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 12 July 2018

Trouble with the Ealing Prayer Ban

After the High Court upheld Ealing Council's ban on prayer outside its flagship abortion clinic, Kildetots, police have been overwhelmed with incidents of alleged prayer, and all the cells are now full.

Boris and Rupa

"Cripes! You've been nabbed!"

One of the first to be arrested was the local MP, Rupa Huq, alias Huq the Rupa, who, walking past the abortuary, was heard to mutter the words "Bless you" when she saw a passer-by sneeze. She is expected to serve a long sentence for this act of explicit praying.

Another to be found in the cells is Julian Bell, leader of Ealing Council. He was seen to scratch his chest while walking past the slaughterhouse, and this was interpreted by a passing policeman as "Probably making the sign of the Cross. Better bang him up to be on the safe side."

Sadiq Khan balloon

The highly-respected Mayor of London.

The Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, while floating above the death house disguised as a barrage balloon, was heard to emit wind. A local policeman promptly reined him in, saying, "That was one of those fancy Arab prayers, wasn't it? Allahu Akbar, was it?" Mr Khan explained that arresting someone for a Muslim prayer was a hate crime. "Hang it, Constable, this is London. We only arrest Christians!" He was released on police bail.

Mr Jeremy Corbyn, another fan of the Ealing prayer ban, was arrested when he tripped over a kerbstone. "It looked to me as though he was genuflecting," explained a policeman. His trial comes up next week.

On the other hand, Cardinal Vincent Nichols, the local ordinary, has so far not been seen praying outside the killing facility, even though to do so would give leadership to those who wish to reduce the number of deaths. It would never do for him to be mistaken for a pro-life advocate.

Vincent Nichols and a fish

"So you're expecting your child to be a fish? Jolly good."


  1. You really expect Cardinals and bishops these days to demonstrate for the saving of life outside the abbatoirs of the unborn? Surely they have already proved themselves to be unconscionable hypocrites of dressed-up politicians instead of being truly militant-for-the-Faith Catholic bishops -- and true Catholics themselves. Or could it be that they're just mealy mouthed disemblers avoiding confrontation to keep-in with the media and their mates in the Establishment. Where, oh where are the valiant Catholic Christian leaders, the great bishops leading us into battle against the evil deceptions of the world?

  2. I have little doubt that Cardinal Nichols will be outside the Ealing aborttoir and well within the 100 metre exclusion zone just as soon as this period of inclement weather in London is over. Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shine, ennit, and that might fade his ecclesiastical colours.