This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 22 May 2021

The very first synod

Scene: the Garden of Eden, c. 4004 B.C. Present: Adam, Eve, Serpent, all naked.*

*An old custom for synods revived in Germany in 2025.

Serpent: Now, Adam and Eve, welcome to the Garden of Eden Synod. As the only talking creatures in this area, God has asked us to hold this meeting. Apparently He likes synods.

Adam: I don't remember Him mentioning this to us.

Serpent: He said it to me when you were down the garden. Trust me, I'm a Jesuit. Why, in six thousand years from now a pope will call a three-year synod about synods in order to discuss synods about synods. So they must be what God wants.

Adam, Eve, Serpent

Dialogue is a GOOD THING.

Eve: What's a pope?

Serpent: Never mind that for now. Let's get started. Now I think we all know each other, so let's have item 1 on the agenda. Should we eat the apples on the tree in the middle of the garden?

Adam: No, God said we should not. [Opens copy of THE GENESIS HERALD.] Yes, here it is, just before the bit about summer fashions made of figleaves.

Serpent: Ah, but we may find we disagree. Would it not be a cruel persecution of the LGBA (Loves Great Big Apples) community?

Adam: How about a period of discernment to help us decide on this one?

Eve: Good idea. [Discerns for ten seconds.] Let's do it.

Serpent: Excellent. Apple pie for tea, then.

[All applaud the success of the Synod.]

Adam and Eve leaving Eden

Spoiler: it turns out badly.


  1. Have you prayed upon the synodality of your synodal attempt in synod to synodalize the synod of your synodal purpose towards a true synod, and with sufficient synodality on your synodal part ?

    [Ed. need me to get this hack to rewrite using "kerygma" instead ?]

  2. Don’t rush in, to home made translations 😇

  3. Would you Adam and Eve it? Probably...

  4. God needs to get with the program. In the Garden of Eden it should have been GREEN apples.