October 31st - trick or treat?

Yes, it's October 31st 2017, commonly called Hallowe'en, the day when people dress up in scary costumes and annoy their neighbours.

Trick or treat? The sign should stay up by faith alone, but Brother Martin decided otherwise.

Everyone's joining in the fun, and remembering their favourite German heretic (no, not Cardinal Marx).

Pope Francis with the Choco-Luther. "You may find this hard to swallow..."

Of course the Anglicans didn't get in on the Hallowe'en larks until almost twenty years later, and indeed, Henry VIII, the man whose ideas on marriage ("divorce 'em, or if that doesn't work, behead 'em") anticipated Amoris Laetitia, was severely critical of Luther's pranks.

It's believed that the pumpkin theme was based on Henry VIII's fat head.

Originally, Hallowe'en was called All Saints' Eve - Henry VIII approached Thomas More and said, "Great news, Thomas, you're going to become a saint! Better still, a saint and martyr!" Of course Thomas More was delighted to be joining in the fun.

Anyway, back to Luther, who founded the tradition, stimulating a growth in heresy that Arius and Fr James Martin could only dream of. Let's party!

Put on your scary costumes, and get trick-or-treating!

The Tablet Hallowe'en Party

October 31st was a big day for the Tablet, a teenage comic that unconvincingly claims to be "Catholic". First, there was the annual Tablet lecture, given by its Rome correspondent Robert Mickens, on the subject "We hates all popes, especially Benedict".

We hope to report more fully on the talk later, but so far we simply have a few soundbites, in which Mickens gives an in-depth analysis of previous popes, such as "John-Paul I - what silly glasses he wore!", "John-Paul II - couldn't even think of an original name!" and "Pope Benedict ate my hamster."

A Tablet CD.

Mickens did however look to the future as well, with "Now, Francis - here are your orders. Listen very carefully - I shall say this only seventy times."

After the lecture, it was time for the Tablet Hallowe'en Party - an event billed as "Come as you are!"

Tina Beattie enjoys an evening of "human flourishing".

All the great and good were there, sharing the true Vatican II Spirit which has made the Catholic church such a happy united institution, where Christian doctrine remains unchallenged, and the secular liberalism of the modern world is put in its place (Catherine Pepinster's office).

Chris Patten takes "come as you are" a little too literally.

Of course, some of the Tablet trustees did decide to dress up a little, but it was not always possible to identify them.

Eamon Duffy recreates the Spirit of Vatican II.

All-in-all, a good time was had by everyone, and at the end it was agreed to "trick or treat" some prominent Catholic priests in the neighbourhood - unless they agreed to revive the Tablet by placing copies in their churches, it would be custard-pie-in-the-face time. (The Anglicans have a similar tradition, known as "vicars and tarts".)

"Suddenly, a custard pie in the face doesn't seem like a bad alternative."

Hallowe'en Mass

Now that Hallowe'en - which has absolutely nothing to do with All Hallows Eve - has become a major secular celebration at this time of year, the church of St Daryl the Apostate has decided to join in by celebrating Mass with a special Hallowe'en liturgy.

Vestments for the Mass include a pumpkin mask for Fr Arthur.

The Service begins with the Paul Inwood hymn Trick or Treat Ch-Ch? (loosely based on the Gregorian chant Fallere aut Remunerare?) After this, prayers will be offered to St Jack O' Lantern, an Irish Saint who was often "Lit up."

St Jack O' Lantern, pray for us.

The readings for the day are expected to include the passage from 1 Samuel 28, where King Saul is turned into a frog by the Witch of Endor. The text on which Fr Arthur preaches tonight is Revelation 21, where it is claimed that sorcerers will end up in a pool burning with fire and brimstone; he will explain that this is purely a metaphor for people scowling at them ("Hate Crime") as they practice their sincerely-held beliefs.

We welcome witches. Note the modernist broomsticks!

After the service, there will be "eye of newt and toe of frog" soup and bread rolls available in the Church Hall. Do come along!

Making the soup.