New Year

Well a happy new year to everrybody from us in de Calumny Chappel wot is saved.

I asked Farver Arfur, our visitin preist, what new year revolutions he was gonna make and he got furiuos wiv me. "At 23.21 on December 31st you asked me what new year revolutions I was makin. I see dat you was implying dat my condduct is in some way less dan perfect. Insultin a preist in good stand-in like dat is a gross breech of Catacom Nubmer 2477 of de Cathlic Churhc, and we gonna have to punnish you. Does you want to be executted or burnt at de steak?"

Well I aint a Cathlic, so Farver Arfur aint got de morral high gruond here, and he had to give up de idea of testin out de new ax what he was givven for Chritsmas.

So I asked de same quetsion of Anti Moly, and she gave me a strange repply, viz. "Yer heid's fou o mince. So why wiz awa' an bile yer heid red carded?" Sometimes she finks she got Scotch ancesstry - she says she is rellated to sevveral clans, such as de Bells, de Dewars, de Famuos Gruose, de Glenfidditch and de Macalan. Dis belieif comes on specailly at de start of de year, cos she can cellebrate Hoggmany, which is when Scotch poeple goes to sleep for a week.

Of cuorse de Austrialans has also got a good tradditoin of makin whisky, dey got names like Wallabby's Armpit, Glen Didgeridoo and Pottymouth Hag Distillery.

Eventaully we persauded Anti Moly to make a new year revolution, to be nice to everryone. "You is right, Eccles, you nubmskull," she said. "From now on I aint gonna call poeple woeful traddy Cathlic sockpoppets, or at least not more than twenty times a day." Well, it's a start, I suppose.

We aint heard much from my bruvver Bosco (Pop Bozodict) lately. He had some trubble writtin a pappal bull what didnt want to be written, and is now restin for a while.

We finks it may be one of dem Cyberbulls wot we is allways bein warned abuot.

I meets an Angliccan

Nuffink to report from my dere bruvver Bosco (Pop Bozodict I) todday. He is in de gardden writtin papal bulls. I did take a pitcher so dat you can see how dificult it is if de bull dont want to be written.

De life of a Pop sure aint as easy as it looks.

Anyways, we had a knock on de door, and dere was a cosstume holly man standin dere. "Ullo," he said. "I is Farver Malcoml, an Angliccan preist in good stand-in." I has discovvered dat when preists says "good stand-in" dey means dat dey finks everryone else is in bad stand-in, and dey is gonna tell em.

Farver Malcoml says he aint a typiccal Angliccan, as he is very infleunced by Bhuddism. Anti Moly took to him immediately, as she met de Dolly Llama when she was a little girl and he won her devottion by givvin her lots of gin. Dem Bhuddists is also very skilled in marital arts, which means you gotta say "Om" and frow poeple out of de winder. But Farver Malcoml has got a quick temper, and I hopes he dont give me a Carroty Chop or try doin Juddo. He says dat he read a lot of Jong too, dat's a fammuos Korrean Philosoper what died recently.

Anyways, Farver Malcoml went out for a walk in de street wiv Anti Moly, lookin for oportunnities to commit greivuos boddily Om.

Dat's Anti Moly practisin her Kong Foo.

Aldough I is saved alreddy, and my big bruvver is an Antipop, I is very interrested in lookin at non-Chritsian relligoins like Angliccanism. I heard dere was a famuous Jewish Rabi (not a Rabit, dats somefink different) called Bellattor in de nieghbourhood, and I was finkin of going to see what he gotta say as well.

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Reggular readers will know dat at de end of Augusst Bosco won a stateu of St Peter in a competitoin, well not de whole stateu, just a big foot. We has put it in de gardden, and it attracts monks from miles aruond what wants to be devotted to it. Here is one of dem givvin it a kiss.

I don't fink he can be saved.

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Brakin News. Anti Moly is wonderin whevver to sue de grate novellist Cuttley for libbel. In his best-sellin novvel "Thopmson takes charge" dere is a charracter called "Mattron" wot is a lazy old lady who drinks lotsa gin. Anti Moly is takin it as a pussonal insullt.

Pop Bozodict

We had a good Chritsmas dinner, wiv a luvvly puddin, on which Anti Moly puored a whole bottle of branddy. She was verry cross dat it cuaght fire, but she soon put out de flames and we drank de rest of de puddin.

After dat we was all gettin a bit merry, and Bosco said dat he had finally ran out of pattience wiv de Pop, who is refussing to ressign in favour of a saved pusson. So he said we was gonna ellect a new Pop. De ellectoin was conductted by de very merry college of Cradinals (Bosco, Eccles, Anti Moly and Farver Arfur), and de votes was 2 for Bosco, 1 for Anti Moly, and 1 for Farver Arfur. I voted for Bosco and I fink de uvvers all voted for demselves.

At dis point Anti Moly said "Stuff dis for a lark, let de clown be Pop, I is goin for anuvver drink," and dat gave my bruvver de majoritty he needed. I fink dat's what happened in de Vattican, last time, as well - Cradinal Pell said "Strewth, I needs a tinnie of Chatteau Wallaby Clarret now. Let Cradinal Ratzigner have de jobb. Anyways, I gotta get away quick, cos I is bein stalked by an old lady from Adellaide. She's out dere in St Peter's Sqaure now, shoutin 'Coo-eee, Goerge!'"

At dat momment we relleased de white smok which proves dat we has got a new Pop. In fact it was Anti Moly's lapptop wot cuaght fire, I fink she spilt some branddy on it.

Bosco and me is currantly postin under alliases on Damain Thopmson's blogg. He is now Pop Bozodict, of course. I is callin myself "incongito" - dis is to confuse Farver Arfur, wot reports all my words of priase to de muddlerators. He cant stand de idea dat I is saved and he aint, cos he is a cosstume holly man. (But I finks he wont be in good stand-in much longer if de Pop in Rom reads dis blogg and finds out dat Arfur voted for an Anti-pop.)

Dat's Bosco in his brand new Pop vestmeants, I dont know what dere names is, fings like cossacks, chazebels and stoles, I fink dey is called. Don't he look handssome?

My bruvver Pop Bozodict has learnt dat Pops like writin fings called Pappal Bulls, dey doesnt use paper like de rest of us. I aint seen one of dem pappal bulls yet, but we did find a pitcher of an old Pop called Herbert goin to de bank to cash a check, so dat proves dat it must happen.

Farver Arfur says dat after Vattican II de Pops aint allowed to use bulls any more, but we is still checkin dis.