This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 30 March 2018

Pope Francis admits that Hell exists

We have been lucky enough to be granted an interview with Pope Francis (yes, that Pope Francis). In fact we never actually met him, or spoke to him, but this is not considered necessary these days, and we have decided to make the whole thing up. Take it away, Francis!

"Yes, I know I allowed Scalfari to interview me - a 93-year-old lunatic who switches off his hearing aid when he interviews, doesn't take notes, and makes up his own account of what happened. And I know I've been fooled by him 489 times before. But we were told to forgive people 70 times 7 times, and this is the last," explained the Holy Father.

"And yes, Eccles, I do believe in Hell. Look, can you imagine something nastier than this?"

Francis and Rosica

Being tormented by an evil spirit in the guise of a fat clown with a stupid magazine to sell.

"Unless it's this. Can you imagine being eternally haunted by a little imp who wants you to read his boring book?"

Francis and Ivereigh

"In the words of Pope Benedict: 'This is the most fantastic book that I have no intention of reading.'"

Francis gulped, and made one final comment. "Actually, joking aside, I have had a strange vision of Hell, in which Jesuit priests writhe in torment while trying unsuccessfully to build bridges with Satan. It can't happen, can it?"

James Martin fooling around

What Hell is really like.


  1. If 2+2+5
    then 70 x 7 = not 490 for sure, because this would be too legalistic. Be open to a god of surprises and mess.

  2. Bruvver Eccles, I hope your defenses against minions and creatures prying into your secret identity are better than Mr Sire's.

  3. If hell does not exist then what was it the Blessed Mother showed the children of Fatima that was so frightening?

    Hell?...or a vision of a future pope saying that hell does not exist.

  4. If an old friend can't continually misquote a Pope about the most fundamental of religious matters without all this fuss, then I really don't know what the world is coming to. Francis is just being polite to a very old and very confused man, 'cos he's so sweet and kind. I for one am quite glad that hell has been discontinued what with my bunion and the state of the roads it's just one less thing to worry about. All the fun in the world and an eternal 'lie in', C'mon now, what's not to like?