This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 13 March 2018

Tributes to Pope Francis on his 5th anniversary

Five years ago today, a figure dressed in white came out on the balcony of St Peter's, to be greeted by enthusiastic cries of "Who the heck is that?" Yes, it was Jorge Belgrano Bergoglio, variously described as "St Francis II" (by himself), "The Dictator Pope" (by that rude 16th Century general, Marcantonio Colonna) and "The Great Reformer" (a bit of wishful thinking by little Austen Ivereigh).

Pope Francis, 2013

"I'd like to thank my agents, the St Gallen Mafia, ... and of course God."

Tributes have been pouring in, led by Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI, and we are happy to print some of them here.

Pope Benedict XVI: Ow! Let go of my ear! I'll sign anything you like! All right, here goes. Pope Francis is a man of profound philosophical and theological formation. I mean, look, I may have written over 50 books myself (beginning with the very short Theological Highlights of Vatican II), and Francis still finds that a colouring book is a bit of an intellectual challenge if they don't tell you what colours to use - all right, Fr Spadaro, I'll drop that bit - but... anyway, the theology of Pope Francis is like the theology of nobody else, and everything he teaches is in continuity with what went before, even when it contradicts it. I can't say fairer than that!

Pope Francis book

The Pope Francis colouring book. "I haven't read it, but it's very good."

Cardinal Burke: I wish Pope Francis well on his anniversary. To tell the truth, I never wanted to know the answers to the Dubia anyway, and Francis is doing a great job in keeping them secret. For clarity of teaching, guidance, and a perpetual willingness to answer questions, you can't do better than the Holy Father!

Fra' Matthew Festing: I was very pleased to be told by Pope Francis that I had voluntarily retired as 79th Prince and Grand Master of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta. This left me more time for my own hobbies of hunting, shooting, and fishing. I also take an interest in historic churches as well as my collection of wax dummies: these are all effigies of Pope Francis, so you can see how much I respect the man whose coup at the Order of Malta was almost entirely bloodless.

Mrs Mary McAleese: Our recent Voices of Faith conference in Rome, marking International Whiners' Day, was very successful, and it was a great shame that I did not get to meet you, Pope Francis. We sent you a letter of invitation but - would you believe it - you never read it! Now, normally I reject the patriarchal clerical hegemony of the Catholic Church - along with its teachings on abortion, marriage, homosexuality, God, Jesus, ... well, everything really. But I am a faithful Catholic all the same, and therefore I offer you, Francis, in the spirit of friendship, a short 94-page working document explaining how I will do things so much better when I become Pope.

Mary McAleese

"Also, I had to leave early as my husband needed some clean socks and a proper cooked dinner."

Cardinal Sarah: I have always preached the virtues of silence, and there is no better time than now.


  1. This entire papacy is a farce & you are so right to ridicule it. I hope you will publish your collection for posterity after PF's departure. Future generations will be able to get a true perspective on the whole rotten Marxist regime foisted upon us all. Thanks for the many laughs you give us.

    1. You're not serious, right? Parolin will become pope and we'll look on these heretical times as the good old days. I guess it could be a German cardinal. But one this is for sure: you are not going to get anyone remotely familiar with orthodoxy.

  2. Satire has become real life. These are all utterly true!

  3. Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are cut from the same theological cloth.

    MARCH 7, 2018
    It's official : the present Magisterium is in schism doctrinally and they admit it in public

  4. What a five years huh!? We lerned funny new words like pro meethean and coprofaggia. Then the rock star in the Sistine chapl (the parish hall) remembere? All so kewl.

  5. May God put a "merciful" end to this horrific Pontificate, and soon.

  6. Thanks for the burst of melatonin. Laughing is good for both soul and body and may help us keep the faith in a time of rampant heresy and apostasy!