This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 14 August 2019

Catholic found in Poland

It turns out that rumours that the Catholic Church had become extinct - like the Anglican Church - were slightly exaggerated: a rare member of the species Homo Catholicus has been sighted in Poland. Jakub Baryła, a 15-year old boy, was observed in Plock, holding up a crucifix and making characteristic cries of Salve Regina in the face of the local Gay Pride Bore-athon.

Jakub Baryła

A rare sighting of a Catholic.

Said David Attenborough, the veteran expert on endangered species, "Unfortunately, no Catholic priests or bishops have been sighted (unless they were taking part in the march); moreover, we need a breeding pair of Catholics if the species is to continue. Still, there is some hope that further sightings of Catholics will be possible, if climate change has not wiped them all out."

Jakub Baryła under arrest

Police take the Catholic to a sanctuary.

Attempts to find Catholics elsewhere have so far proved inconclusive. For example, scientists are divided over which of the Pontifex Bergoglionis and the Burkeus Raymondus is truly a subspecies of Homo Catholicus (their calls are totally different). Most people agree that the Blaseus Cupichus cannot be regarded as any form of Catholic.

Dolan at parade

Dolanus Crassissimus, sighted at a "gay" parade, but clearly not a Catholic.


  1. Via the imperfect machine of the Google translation app, it looks like Kuba Baryła is at least 'Tradition-friendly', referring to an image of Holy Mass celebrated in the traditional Rite as one of 'the normal Mass, not the Novus Ordo'. And he appears to be aware that hierarchs are sometimes wolves, too.

    1. The "normal" Mass is obviously the Old or Tridentine Mass; the Novus Ordo is an abnormal imitation similar to some Protestant Communion services as it was designed with the help of Protestant ministers.

  2. Vere, Dolanus Crassissimus Catholicus non est.