This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 19 August 2019

The World Cup of Bad Catholic Journalists

After the World Cups of Bad Hymns (won by "Lord of the Dance") and Bad Cardinals (Blase Cupich), it is time for the World Cup of Bad Catholic Journalists. The nominations so far are as follows, and before we start in about two weeks from now, we welcome other suggestions. (16 would be a more convenient number than 11, but we'll find a fair way to cope, however many we end up with.)
John Allen Jr
Tina Beattie
Massimo Faggioli
Austen Ivereigh
Christopher Lamb
James Martin
Robert Mickens
Thomas Reese
Thomas Rosica
Antonio Spadaro
Michael Sean Winters
(I'm sure I've missed someone obvious...)

As will be seen, "journalist" can be interpreted rather loosely. Apart from scribbling, most of the people above turn an honest penny by other means as well: boring lectures, trashy biographies, LGBT campaigning, plagiarism, or even - in some cases - moonlighting as Catholic priests!

Here are several qualities you might want to consider when casting your vote:

Martin, devil

Good taste...

Austen bomb

Familiarity with the Bible...

Rosica Wuerl

Knowing all the right people...

Mickens rat

Devotion to the Pope...

Massi drivel

The ability to decide which bits of Catholicism are in fashion this week...

Spadaro 2+2=5

Top marks in logic!

Some ground rules: the nominees don't need to be English-speaking, but some of their contributions must be accessible to the English-speaking world. There are no doubt numerous bad Catholic journalists writing in obscure Amazon dialects, but they must remain in obscurity for the purposes of this World Cup - they will get their moment of glory when the Amazonis Laetitia synod starts. The nominees must at least claim to be Catholic, whatever your private opinion of them ("Who am I to judge?") Bishops and above will not count as journalists, even if they send out monthly letters explaining how wonderful they are.

Nominations can be made by adding a comment to this blog, or by replying to my advert on Twitter.

In all things the infallible decision of the umpire (me) is final.


  1. I nominate not so merciful Dawn Eden Goldstein, S.Th.D.

    1. Disqualified by her orthodoxy and personal kindness.

  2. Tough call to cull:
    Rev. Rosica (Rosica? Rosica?). Ex-copywriter for The Ecclesiastic Echo.
    John Allen, jr.-journalist. Lost his by-line at NCFishwrap and now misses the Crux of every story.
    TeamAusten-? Falling somewhat short without Where’s Waldo-Walford?
    Jimi Martin, S.J.W. Uber papal pundit flush with homo-heresy, yet hiding in the water closet.

    Keeping voting options open as Vaticanista rapidly unravel.

  3. OK, we now have 32 nominees, so I think that is a good place to stop.

  4. yeah well, bruvver Eccles, I think you're still procrastinating your religious duty to record the Wisdom of the Book of Brexodus for the ages and the generations ...

    1. I think Brexodus will become more lively in early September, brother Jabba.

    2. Praise the President of the Heavenly Commission, bruvver !!

  5. In fairness, Fr. Rosicko should not be included. As he was merely relaying the views of others. We may find that he is the most trad. of priests if he ever gives us the benefits of his own thoughts about things theological. (BTW copying other people's homework was the eighth deadly sin at my school. I still bear the marks.)

  6. Ooh this list doesn't half make me seethe! Grr. Especially James Martin making the Devil Sign. *The devil always shows his tail... For me it would have to be Tina Beattie. She is one of the most destructive people I know, she makes my blood boil every time she starts up. Oh well, I guess they're all winners really, give them all a medal for taking part.

    1. Good. I aim to please - though I'm not sure that sardines have blood, do they?