This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday 4 December 2022

Magi "traumatized" after being asked where they came from

Bethlehem, 4 B.C. approx.

The three Magi, Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar (real names: Chas Parr, Mel Keir, and Bill Tazzer), have declared themselves "totally stunned" after they arrived at the stable in Bethlehem and were asked where they had come from.

Adoration of the Magi

The question you must never ask.

After travelling for several weeks from Persian lands afar, the three kings presented their offerings of gold, frankincense and myrrh, which they claimed to have bought in a gift shop in Bethlehem, even though the items were in a bag bearing the legend "Ali's Bazaar - eveything for your Adoration needs".

On being asked "Where do you come from?" they originally replied "Hackney" (a suburb of Jerusalem), although it was later revealed after a gruelling 15 seconds of traumatic questioning that their background was more exotic.

"We're not angry with the Holy Family," said Chas. "All we want is for them to be driven out into Egypt."

It was later revealed that the three men had a history of baiting royalty, and that King Herod himself was deeply upset by what they said when they visited him. However, Herod did not ask them about the origins, so history is sure to look kindly upon him.

Magi on horses

"Well, winding up King Herod was a good start. What shall we do next?"


  1. Dear Eccles, many years ago, when I was a student nurse, I met a patient who had an accent I thought I recognised, so I said - I remember it well - "Where you from, Christine?" and she replied, looking mildly surprised, "Leeds". "I thought so," said I, "my partner's from there and I thought I recognised it." And we went to chat on about the city and Yorkshire in general, and became good friends while I was on that ward.

    Christine was an Asian lady. I suppose nowadays either I wouldn't have dared ask, or would have been hauled up before the GNC and accused of racism and thrown out of the profession.

  2. Brilliant - best take I’ve seen on the incident!

  3. Last I heard, Melchior has been defrocked for the outrageous blasphemies of denying the Mother of God's intrinsic right to an abortion, and for claiming that she and her husband Joseph were one man and one woman.

  4. In other news, Caspar has had his crown taken away from him, for daring to say that the Newborn Lord did not need to be given various injections.

    At Press time, we're not sure yet how Balthazar might be cancelled, but Herod has been recorded as promoting the killing of the born and unborn as being safe and effective.