Spiritual experiences

We report today from the General Synod of the Church of England, where the Bishop of Bath and Wells, the Rt Rev. Peter Price, has announced that rioting can be, literally, an ecstatic spiritual experience.

A monk obtaining spiritual nourishment

His thesis was taken up by the Bishop of Dartmoor, who encouraged young people seeking spiritual nourishment to try mugging people in the street. Said the bishop, "In this day and age, the Anglican church doesn't seek spirituality through prayer and fasting, let alone the Mass. Young people become closer to God when they see the possibility of grabbing someone's handbag and spending the proceeds on drugs."

It is better to receive than to give

The Bishop of Parkhurst added a new dimension to the debate. "Young people in my diocese tell me that what they are really after is the opportunity of robbing banks. These days, banks and bankers are rightly regarded as the lowest of the low. If Jesus were here now, can one doubt that he would have led his disciples in a daring raid on the Bank of Jordan?"

At Jordan's Bank the burglar alarm announces that the Lord is nigh

Deep theological insight was also provided by the Bishop of Pentonville, who argued that in this day and age, murder could hardly be regarded as a sin, more as a way for frustrated teenagers to express themselves. "Do unto others before they do it unto you, Jesus always said," commented the bishop. "We must not deprive our youngsters of the opportunities for violence that we had when we were young."

Church of England approved spiritual reading

Winding up the debate, the Archbishop of Canterbury commented that, on the one hand theft and murder were traditionally regarded as sins, but on the other hand it was hardly meaningful to talk of Good and Evil in the 21st century. In a very real sense he welcomed this opportunity for a constructive dialogue.

Would the Bishop who stole my wallet please own up now?

A truimph for Anti Moly

My dere bruvver Bosco is still convalecsing. De banddages will soon be off and he will be able to ressume a normal life as a saved pusson loved by Jessus who only wants to do de Lords will and beet up Cathlics.

Here is Bosco gittin up in de mornin after spendin de night in de fridge, as he is still very hot and he don't want a meltdown like Grate-Anti Moly.

Indeed Anti Moly was a bit of a niusance last nihgt, she was up until 7 a.m. bloggin. At 5 a.m. we heard banging from her room, and went in to find she was dancin a jigg. "Hee heh hee!" she said. "Fiffteen months hard work has bin rewardded! I gottim at last! He misspelt 'pracktise', de poor pathettic sad Cathlic sockpoppet. Dat eleggant holy devoted cultured pius humbble courteuos devuot saintly witty adorrable learned gentleman Cuttley wuold never have done dat. Now I gottim on de ropes."

It's good dat my Anti has a hobby in life, especailly as de part-time job as a banshee didnt work out too well. We is finkin of gettin a stattue of dis Cuttley chap for Anti Moly to kiss de foot of, it will be a suprise pressent for her.

Bosco is still improvin his mind by readin educkational websites. He was lookin at how.de.pop.organnized.de.riots.in.london.org which gives a puerly factaul account of how Cathlics has been settin fire to biuldings becuase dey fuoght dere was saved poeple inside, and dat dey was steelin televisoins so dat dey cuold worhsip de gravven images on dem.

Bosco dere I fuond dis pitcher dat shows de worhsip of iddles is even worse dan I fought. Here is some dirty Cathlic encuoragin his kids to worhsip a dogg stateu. Dats probbably somethin to do with ancient Egpyt, Bosco.

Bosco sez dat if he cuold he wuold take de kids away from dere parents and have dem bruoght up by de Calumny Chappel. How else can dey be saved?