This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Justice for Jimmy Martin!

This blog has always stood up for the underdog on the fringe of Christianity. For example, a few years ago we ran a JUSTICE FOR ENA! campaign in support of Dame Ena Beastly, the professor of Catholic Orthodoxy and Human Blossoming at the University of Rosebush. Ena had been going through a bad patch, with people cancelling speaking invitations to her. Nobody knows why, unless it is that they were really hoping for a Catholic.

Ena Sharples

Justice for Ena!

Admittedly, we did not get very far with our justice campaign, and it is reported that Ena is still not a happy bunny. She has discovered that the Catholic Church is colluding with fascism, because the American bishops did not unite to stop Donald Trump - who is LITERALLY HITLER! When there was the wondrous alternative of Hillary Clinton, surely a saintly person if ever there was one! With a husband who knows how to give a girl a good time!

No, the Church is run by Islamophobic, homophobic, Brexiteering, Nazi, Catholics, who have shunned the wise and wonderful Karl Marx - and why hasn't he been canonized yet if Mother Teresa has? - in order to spread lies, hatred, and poison exactly like ATTILA THE HUN. Don't these people realise that it's the 1970s now?

Justice for Jimmy

Today's good cause.

But enough of Ena Beastly. Today's good cause is Fr James Martin SJ, known variously as "Fr Jim", "Jimmy", "cuddles" and "Dan Brown" (for his pioneering views on Mary Magdalene). Sunny Jim was due to speak at a gala for the Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre, but has now been disinvited.

"What can I do to help?" you are asking yourselves. "The man may be completely obsessed by LGBTSJ issues, he may preach heresy, he may be in totally the wrong job, but... look, he's a friend of Pope Francis (and a special adviser no less)! He knows Spadaro! Rosica! Steve Colbert! He's a multi-millionaire celebrity author, TV personality, and deep thinker! Why, he's the American version of Stephen Fry!"

Jim fixed it

Many people owe a lot to Fr Jim.

We Christians are called to help the downtrodden, the faint-hearted, the weak, the poor, the helpless, and the oppressed. Luckily, Jimmy doesn't fall into any of these categories, so we can carry on making fun of him as usual. What a relief!

We must apologise because our "Justice for Jimmy!" campaign seems to have gone off the rails. The man running it has been shot, and we are making approaches to "Stonewall" Jackson, the gay rights activist, to see if he will take over.

There must be some mistake here. That's not God's message at all!


  1. I've got your big brother Bosco, Mr. Eccles. You might want to be more um, pastoral, if you ever want to see him again. I've got high friends in places...oh...I mean I've got friends in high places. Signed, JM, essjay.